Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML
Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML
Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, I was halfway through a pair of pants I'd started making when my PTSD kicked in and I had a panic attack, and thought someone was yelling at me, so my response was to throw a pair of sewing scissors at the non-existent person. They hit the wall and now I have to get the wall patched up. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML
Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML
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Top comments
nerdsgetmehot 23
Having had extensive sewing experience, I know that it takes a lot of recklessness to achieve the task of sewing your fingers. I'm sorry, but you were most likely being pretty careless...Hopefully you've learned to be a bit more careful!
rob935 5
I agree with 3. I have done a lot of sewing in my life and have never managed to do anything so stupid. YDI for being retarded. And to think, you were the fastest sperm!
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Comments (100)
luther14 0
wow that would suck
BenD0VER 0
EPIC FAIL. Oh, and it's funny because you sewed your thumb. I bet the blood was nice and moist.
screem97 0
lol next time, let a pro do it
ShorTiE4LyFe 0
I've done that before...In fact I've done that several times. xD It didn't hurt though because it went through a callus. :)
eazyeeze 0
Nice. You're good at sewing skin. Now go sew up the ******* of the wannabe born-again virgins
SeduceRecycle 0
Haha, :D I have no thumbs so... I wouldn't know.
Tiwuz 19
Ouch that must of hurt
samantha987 0
awww bummer.
NzxtZ06 0
If you jump from a bench with the thought that you're going to break a leg, chances are you're going to break your leg.
jplumbob 4
4 you fail. Also you look like a ******* queer with that hair. ******* fag.
ceejster 0
my friends and I, sewed a blanked my sister was sleeping in one time. took her an hour to get out! never have I laughed so hard.
LordXavier 0
71 Coraline reference? :)
rosesareblue15 0
Well hey, you sewed up that old bag alright! ;D
zach55 0
good thing you didn't cut off a finger.
zach55 0
at least you didn't sew your finger
wilkshire13 0
lol mitten fingers, # 4 win
mells105 0
YDI for saying sewed XD it's sew dumbass
iamsuperman 0
She's right dillhole. 'I sew my thumb' is very incorrect.
ilovechuux13 0
wow that sucks!
nerdsgetmehot 23
Having had extensive sewing experience, I know that it takes a lot of recklessness to achieve the task of sewing your fingers. I'm sorry, but you were most likely being pretty careless...Hopefully you've learned to be a bit more careful!
rob935 5
You're beautiful 3.
Freeze_fml 17
3 is a pretty number. Nice curves on it.
BehindTheSun 2
Wait, I'm still wondering how the hell you sew up your finger. That obviously takes more than one stitch. Am I just being dense, or wouldn't it take an extreme idiot to sew their finger?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Not sew up your finger, sew your finger. As in the needle hits your finger.
nerdsgetmehot 23
I agree, 3 is indeed a very aesthetically pleasing number. It has "curves like a tennis ball." :P
Trollz4daLULZ 2
The number 3 looks like a nice round set of ****. Or testicles, depending on the angle... 3===D
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yes, Ignorance?
Raleigh_bruh 7
For what? The chest comment, the testicles comment, or both?
Trollz4daLULZ 2
I hope it's both.
Geiko_fml 0
Both but he's a cool troll, so he's allowed to troll.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Ah, I see. Trollz, weren't you the person who used to have that anteater picture up?
Raleigh_bruh 7
I ask because I remember seeing two different people with that same picture, and I couldn't remember if he was one. Ignorance, do you realize that you get hit on and called a bitch by some of the same people every day? I find that odd.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yeh, you do. People tell you you're 'hott' or whatever, and then after you blow them off they call you a bitch. How could you have not noticed this trend?
Raleigh_bruh 7
It's kind of entertaining to say the least. Also, not to be a pest but, you still owe me a rant.
Raleigh_bruh 7
:/
Freeze_fml 17
Such an engaging conversation about a number.
ispitflames 3
shes a hot bitchhh, that pretty much sums it up.
ispitflames 3
perhaps
lmx_fml 0
lmao WIN.
FFML_314 12
I like to think of Ignorance as an intelligent woman, that feeds on the souls of the weak! Naturally, I like her.
chachachandler 5
I see what you did that :D
ndizzle 0
Left paren, space, period, space, right paren, left paren, space, period, space, right paren is *also* a sexy number...
lalagirl912 0
you did it wrong! lol.... how could you do ?! @freeze paramore doesn't suck, their not the best but they don't suck >.>
ndizzle 0
Dammit, that one is better. Bah.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
yeah, I had the anteater pic. I got rid of it when SOMEONE WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS informed me that someone else had it first. Back to the discussion of sexy numbers/symbols/punctuation marks: the parantheses can also be used to moon people, in addition to ascii girls gone wild: ( )|( ) [edit: yeah, it doesn't look right. for some reason, the spaces keep disappearing, making this look like a midget's ass.]
nerdsgetmehot 23
#83 I like to think I'm an "intelligent woman who feeds on the souls of the weak" as well, but sadly I think I'm too nice for that. I start feeding on their souls and then feel really bad about it.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
If we supply the souls, will you supply the fresh-baked bread and make us all some soul sammiches?
nerdsgetmehot 23
Trollz, I may just have to take you up on that deal! Oh, Pendatik... :P
izzy21_fml 0
a little ironic bt also a little careless
Geiko_fml 0
That's got to suck... But by watching my grandmother before she passed away, it's pretty hard to sow your fingers...
rob935 5
I agree with 3. I have done a lot of sewing in my life and have never managed to do anything so stupid. YDI for being retarded. And to think, you were the fastest sperm!
kingcaper817 14
Actually he wasn't it a group effort to get into the egg so he was most likely the sperm that sat back and waited for someone else to break through
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for having had such a ridiculous fear. YDI for being a klutz. YDI for not proofreading before submitting, causing your FML to say "I decided to sew up and old bag".
emilyxorawr 3
as sad as tht is, its quite funny. sorry OP
Raleigh_bruh 7
Hate to do it but, "sew up AN old bag." Not 'and'. Edit: And they would fix it as soon as I post that. Lame. :/
Trollz4daLULZ 2
That's the second time they've done that to me. haha!
indddygirll11 0
you should be more careful next time
Raleigh_bruh 7
So irritating. :|
jwwang258 3
ur thumb is not a finger
Trollz4daLULZ 2
*your And yes, it is. Not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers.
lalagirl912 0
:o did you know that all your fingures grow a little tiny thumb in your late 30s! it looks like a tiny little lump on your fingures.. but if you look closely it's a thumb! P.S not everybody gets one but if you do TAkE CARE OF IT it needs it's nails cliped , hair trimmed, talked to, friends, fun, food, water, and lots of mini thumb exercising! it's just like a pet/human