Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML
Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML
Today, I joined a gym. I’m overweight and not very athletic, so I was nervous. I looked around and tried a treadmill. I start walking at a chill pace, then got ambitious and cranked it to a "light jog." Within seconds, I tripped, fell, and sent the emergency stop button flying across the room. The gym staff ran over and I swear someone said, “Well, at least he’s trying.” FML
Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML
Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML
Today, I started doing cardio at my local gym with a basic exercise bike because doing weightlifting by itself wasn't having an effect on my weight. Since I'm out of shape, I did 15 minutes instead of the standard 30. I had to stop at 10 minutes because my legs were so sore they nearly gave out on me when I stood up. FML
Today, I was proud of going to the gym 3 times a week (instead of once a week) to get in relative shape. I even started doing light cardio and (I thought) started to eat better. I've gained six pounds, despite watching what I eat and even increasing the resistance on the exercise bike that I use. FML
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You're going to be a huge hit at the gym. I can see it now...The Gasmaster.
dr_snow_bear 29
A small start is better than no start. Good luck!
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Comments (111)
Grauncho 27
"It sounds like the fat kid's running. I bet that's hilarious."
86ed 4
Your choice of words is unfortunate, "I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped..." But keep trying, it's all downhill (weight wise) from here!
whatthefreshhell 15
Listen, OP, you can do this! Start exercising alone and you'll figure it out. You're on the right road (: good luck!
ozpunker 20
Who cares? Every one of those farts smells like victory. Keep up the good work.
Nusted 4
Idk if thats a serious problem or just funny. either way, atleast you had the balls to atleast start working out. Keep at it.
wiseguy13 3
OP if you actually read this you should first change your eating habits. Working out will only account for a few hundred calories a day. Eat better, lose wieght then get fit.
wiseguy13 3
the extra calories that OP will be tempted to eat and extra stress on their body will counter any "good" done by exercising. I know two people who have lost around 70 pounds each just by eating right.
misterjez 15
Is the floor ok?
olpally 33
Good for you! I might suggest running though, at least you can run away from the smell. Keep up the good work though!
mattlw 25
Ill bet you had a ripping good time. What a gas!
scottyspot 11
Keeping it it time to the beat is good I guess.