Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML
Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML
Today, I joined a gym. I’m overweight and not very athletic, so I was nervous. I looked around and tried a treadmill. I start walking at a chill pace, then got ambitious and cranked it to a "light jog." Within seconds, I tripped, fell, and sent the emergency stop button flying across the room. The gym staff ran over and I swear someone said, “Well, at least he’s trying.” FML
Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML
Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML
Today, I started doing cardio at my local gym with a basic exercise bike because doing weightlifting by itself wasn't having an effect on my weight. Since I'm out of shape, I did 15 minutes instead of the standard 30. I had to stop at 10 minutes because my legs were so sore they nearly gave out on me when I stood up. FML
Today, I was proud of going to the gym 3 times a week (instead of once a week) to get in relative shape. I even started doing light cardio and (I thought) started to eat better. I've gained six pounds, despite watching what I eat and even increasing the resistance on the exercise bike that I use. FML
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You're going to be a huge hit at the gym. I can see it now...The Gasmaster.
dr_snow_bear 29
A small start is better than no start. Good luck!
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Comments (111)
gunnerblaster 21
Keep it up, dude! Getting in shape and staying healthy is an admirable goal! If you find yourself lacking motivation, seek out a partner to help keep pace with! Don't give it up!
needsagf14 12
It's ok just never come up with a reason to stop
Bcfrmkc816 17
Hey we'll at least you are trying unlike some if who can't. And don't worry about the gas a lot of people do it when they exercise. Hope it don't keep you from losing the weight and to continue working out. Good luck
WonkeyDonkey 10
Woohoo you're jet propelled ;)
chinagirl3343 8
That's ok! Don't worry about it. I ummm I do yoga... It happens to all of us.... Just don't give up... Lol
liverpooly44 8
That's awesome that you are trying to work out. You will lose weight in no time. Just try do it outdoors though....
imaxsean 3
You look smaller already now.
BrimfullOfAsher 20
Been there, done that, had to use the t-shirt as a gas mask. The good news is that as your body gets used to exercising the gas becomes less of a problem.
ex_stripper_jk 20
First, way to go! You should be proud. Secondly, c'mon that is too funny. I hope you giggled a little bit. Gotta have a sense of humor about yourself.
nayib 10
Keep it up, everyone farts