Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML
Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I tried to carry all my grocery bags in one trip. I was doing great until the plastic handles stretched and snapped in the parking lot. A carton of eggs exploded, an avocado rolled under a car, and a bottle of wine shattered. Someone asked if I needed help. I said no because I was too embarrassed. FML
Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML
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Top comments
randomthing 22
You definitely deserved it.
tswizz 13
You were going to egg a house? How old are you? Twelve?
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Comments (125)
mrmerino 0
Raise yourself above that crap. You aren't a little kid, throwing eggs at someone's house is not a very smart thing to do. If he screwed you over that badly, the best thing to do about it is to separate yourself from him and show that you can function without him.
hqbrat 8
I'm afraid not even the egg puns will make the best comments
thiscrazything 1
Eggsactly.
solosohigh 15
stop wasting energy on him. holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Lolbunnycloud 5
Fail
THE_A_TEEN 28
Said the girl who typed "ur" instead of "your".
ManInTheMachine 20
Oh God, this again. 'Oh em geez get off mah bak dis iznt a English class lolz'. The FML rules clearly state 'No TXT language allowed'. Besides, your comment wasn't any better than the person you replied under. I swear there should be a disclaimer about this so people can stop all the 'this isn't English class' bullshit.
Octwo 16
People like 71 are why society is getting dumber. They think it's acceptable to type like a 'tard because it's apparently SO ******* hard to press two more letters on their keyboard. "THZ INT ENGLSH CLAS LAWL." Grow up kid. Stop setting a precedent that being an idiot is OK because you're not being graded or paid to not be one.
KiddNYC1O 22
Let's not get carried away. Just because they type that way doesn't make them a "tard" or an idiot. They just simply failed to follow the FML rules. I know a retired teacher who texts in TXT form. Doesn't make them any dumber.
XtraEzeee 8
What's the point of English class if we aren't going to use what we learn?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Shut the **** up, please. It's getting old. Other than her typing "ur", her grammar and spelling seems pretty decent.
rexreta 5
Is Karma the name of his new girlfriend too? ;P Total bitch indeed!
patrickalamo 48
You are karma's bitch.
whostolemylama 12
Bitches be crazy.
terrancemu 0
Well, that's egg on your face!!! Anybody...? No....?
Zomg_Okay 27
You're the bitch here, OP, not karma. You sound too young to be in a relationship in the first place.
lighthous3 4
Karma's only a bitch if you are ;)