Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML
Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I tried to carry all my grocery bags in one trip. I was doing great until the plastic handles stretched and snapped in the parking lot. A carton of eggs exploded, an avocado rolled under a car, and a bottle of wine shattered. Someone asked if I needed help. I said no because I was too embarrassed. FML
Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML
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Top comments
randomthing 22
You definitely deserved it.
tswizz 13
You were going to egg a house? How old are you? Twelve?
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Comments (125)
balzackgoo 3
I don't think Karma is the bitch here.
stonedfishies 10
Lmao. Karma's definitely a bitch and she sure got you back.
fordman22 0
Why waste good eggs on a scumbag? Use used toilet paper ;)
THE_A_TEEN 28
Why waste Toilet Paper? Use a Nokia.
RedPillSucks 33
Why waste a Nokia? Use a brick.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Why waste a brick? Throw the little pig that was using it to build his house.
DevilsMetsGiants 30
Seriously? Grow the **** up. And you think karma is the bitch in your situation? Psh.
Alan2 24
Might as well do it now, karma already got you for it. You don't want that to be in vain!
BighornB 0
He's an ex, get over it you vindictive bitch!
MandieL 27
Karma is only a bitch if you are. YDI.
thew_fml 14
ok, i know I'm a pedantic asshole, but this is a pet peeve of mine - if you're going to use a ridiculous concept like karma, use it correctly. karma operates across lifetimes, not minutes now you can all hate on me for being a jerk
Thale_fml 8
Actually, you're wrong. Sort of. While it does indeed operate across lifetimes, there are different types of karma. Google it.
sarahrocrocrocks 5
I thought egging someones was illegal?
KiddNYC1O 22
Just move on, dear.