Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
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Top comments
hXcsoccerplaya 0
those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh
perdix 31
Whatever you do, don't go see "The Nutcracker!" You'll have another nightmare and completely crush your 'nads!
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Comments (97)
Fords_Suck 0
Once, I was jackin' off and was rather tired... Then next thing I knew it was morning lol. Fell asleep mid wank! Doesn't mean it was sucky, just that I was incredibly tired after working 60 hours straight on security at a music festival XD.
musicofmylife 6
dude we really don't need specifics on your masturbation like really
Flowergirrrl 0
ouch! but u totally deserved this, why are you falling asleep with it hands in ur pants anyways?!
Mattyboy558 0
Were you masterbating? FYL.
LemonStarship 5
Show me your genitals, your genitals (what) show me your genitals, your genetalia! isn't that song the greatest? And no I do not want to see your genitals... it was a yolk.
Lonely_Lez 0
What time is it?
SarcasticUnicorn 9
******!
omghehehe 0
I realize that some men find comfort in holding their crown jewels, but it looks like you need to go back to your "binki" (favorite childhood blanket) to keep your lineage going. LOL. Ice those babies ;)
DameGreyWulf 1
That's... so awful ahahahaha.
KHADOOZLE 0
OR MAYBE THE REAL STORY IS THAT YOU WHACKED OFF TOO HARD TO A ELTON JOHN PICTURE!
Banez 0
OMG.... Can you say, "Fail"?
xsi0pao 0
maybe his hands were cold.. its pretty warm doen there ;)
MzMegs 20
I lol'd at the OP's name. "Ballhugger."