nullpointer
San Francisco, United States
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Fort Worth, United States
Threat Neutralized
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Catremorse
Centreville, United States
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Anonymous
United States
Alarm
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
Swabidizop
Greeley, United States
Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML
Anonymous
United States
Cozy
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Anonymous
United States
Sorry Mr Whiskers
Today, to tease my cat for his naughty behavior and tendency to fart upon getting onto my lap, I tried to return the favor by farting on him while he was cleaning himself. It wasn't a fart. FML
pretty princess
United States
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Foreigner Fail
Jackson Galaxy moment
Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML
Anonymous
Convoluted
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
orely44
Rez, France
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Top comments
tygerarmy 35
Did your cat think you were growling, or did your fart destroy his little cat nose, and he bit you in retaliation?
Steve95401 49
The cat might rip his schlong to shreds in retaliation.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (24)
vinnie_boombotz 15
Haha I imagined the sound in my head with your cat growling back
loxe_fml 15
Pee on him, show your dominance
Steve95401 49
The cat might rip his schlong to shreds in retaliation.
bickdig69 8
One time i got drunk and pee'd on my cat he saw my dick dangling and tried to claw it
hellobobismyname 24
#15 - I just saw you comment on another FML about you peeing during sex. Do you just pull out your schlong and take a piss all willy nilly wherever you go? Or do you have some weird idea that these comments are funny?
tygerarmy 35
Did your cat think you were growling, or did your fart destroy his little cat nose, and he bit you in retaliation?
MetalxSoldier 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Just because it was loud doesn't mean he thought it sounded like a growl. He probably thought you were shooting at him... with a bazooka or perhaps a grenade launcher with tear gas.
The12thPaladin 8
Yes, because a cat would totally think that.
Lalala579121 28
"**** man, this dude is shooting a bazooka at me. I know the best thing to do, bite him on the ass."
ulissey_fml 22
What else do you expect , with a Fart Guild type cat ?
jcash52426 5
Is your car part dog?
ImKimitheEmo 21
Well carts can be aggressive and smelly so your cat was saying." TAKE IT OUTSIDE!"
ImKimitheEmo 21
Meant farts auto correct hates me
Ladisa 28
It's okay, your phone just fused "cats" and "farts".
liquifiednate 21
Just curious OP but is your username a reference to C++?
LyricaSilvan 30
I'm sorry you earned accidental rage from your cat (and got bitten for it,) but this FML is one of he funniest things I've read in a long time.
EvilLittleMan 23
Actually your contribution to the 1% of the atmosphere could fall into the category "Growler", thus the reason why you pissed off your cat and the little F -er bit your ass.