Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I noticed my dog chewing on something while on the couch. It looked like a wash rag of some sort, so I grabbed it from my dog. It wasn't until after I picked it up that I noticed it wasn't a wash rag. It was a small, dead bird. FML
Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had destroyed my couch. The worst part? He buried his plastic toy bone inside the wreckage, so he clearly thinks this is his new personal sandbox play pit spot. I'm afraid to get a new couch and put it in the same place. FML
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML
Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Polly wants some cotton. She could also be looking for loose change to hire the cute pigeon from outside the window.
Cads1 24
Sounds like the bird may become dinner soon.
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Comments (43)
buckdharma 38
A partridge in a bare settee?
Cads1 24
Shit house, just a plain shit house pun. But I will give it a thumb up anyway.
limegreenpoopie 31
Awww polly wanna cotton :3
abNormal62 23
The nesting instinct is strong in all females You can't do an adequate job without comparing swatches in the intended light
Sparx1_1 16
Ummm OP that's exactly what birds do when they nest. The easier it is to rip up the bigger/deeper the nest will be.
inolongercare 19
Why have you not been checking what your boss was doing for that long?!
johnny17 16
Plot twist: she's making a nest behind the couch pillow
jcfrisco 13
ydi.jpg
nathanschmitz3 2
That's weird. Never thought parrots would do that kind of stuff, thought that was more of a dog thing.
ribx 16
My lorikeet has an outdoor aviary, she sometimes digs huge holes, like three times the size of her body, with her tiny beak. Still don't know why she does it, considering she's single and I'm pretty sure they nest in trees. It's not to escape either because she doesn't aim for the edge
yellowzinnias 20
She could, actually, still be nesting. She would feel safer within the sofa, so once she has a hole she might have started building the nest in it. If you think she's preparing to lay, make sure you have an enclosed space for her to nest, since it seems she prefers that.
Witchylady 18
Why would you let your bird nest behind the couch anyway?