Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

Egg mode

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

My kid, the playa

Today, I learned that my 18-year-old son has had more sexual partners together at one time than I've had separately in total in my life. FML

Mommie issues

Today, I found all my missing underwear that I have been looking for for months, and have been replacing. They were all hidden in a pile in my 14 year-old son's bedroom, covered in crusty stuff. When confronted, his response as to why was, "Hormones…?" FML

Today, while cleaning around the house, I found a black bra that wasn’t mine. I confronted my husband about it, which turned into a massive fight. It turned out that the bra actually belonged to my son’s girlfriend I didn’t know he had. FML

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML