Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML
Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
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Top comments
yourlifesfucked 0
If she wants someone with morals, better try some other channel...
Livencountry 5
Leave her tv on the parenting channel, might help.
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Comments (65)
niospartan 8
That's just morally disgusting on her part.
DexasurasRex 0
FOX News; where the morals are left behind the set of those republican-biased sons o' bitches. Welcome to White-America folks.
ry_ry7 4
Being so hellbent on morals, I must say you did a masterful job proving your point with a racist comment yourself. Hypocrite.
Petunia888 13
Brainwashing via FOX news...typical.
Aukaure 3
The tides go in, the tides go out, never a miscomunication... You can't explain that!
Rollie87 0
This is amusing. A truly morally upright human being should allow others to make their own decisions. I assume your mother believes herself to be morally upright and wants you to be more like her.
coltsrock37 15
Fox is pretty much taboo in my household; Fox News is the worst news channel on earth. Oh and All these people that come up with any GOP Candidate comments are politcally perryrizing any newt candidates that could romney their way into the congression paul.
reaganomics 6
Yeah I'm going to go ahead and say it.... FAIL
goldfishgod 20
You didn't use that semicolon correctly.
flockz 20
i appreciate effort, and the fact that you trolls have nothing better to add than "FAIL" and "wrong usage of semicolon" makes me think you should shush up and try to think of puns for yourself.
meganfoxsbitch 0
And yet any one of those candidates would do better than the democrat who put us so far in debt we'll never climb out..
Shrike 24
^ Look here everyone, we've got a common troll. The US economy took a nose dive sometime between Bill Clinton exiting power after fairly stabilizing the economy, and sometime before Barack Obama entered power with a terrible economy to deal with. Now, I WONDER under which President that economic ruin happened...? And I also wonder why you think George W Bush is or was a Democrat...
laxbro182 1
Hey look here this guy has no idea what he is talking about! Sure Bush added 5 trillion dollars in debt but that was over 8 years! Obama has added 4 trillion dollar in 2 years. Last time I checked that's more per year. You sir fail at life
flockz 20
tell her the wetter you get in the shower, the smarter you get. then sit on the couch, put your feet up, and watch some cartoons as she panics.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Is she really that stupid to believe that would work?
Xquisite1 28
This FML originally read Republican instead of "morally -upright".... the mods changed it.
monkeysareyummy 0
ESPN would be better.. Just sayin