Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML
Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
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Top comments
yourlifesfucked 0
If she wants someone with morals, better try some other channel...
Livencountry 5
Leave her tv on the parenting channel, might help.
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Comments (65)
muzy 23
Listen to your mother you delinquent or you'll be castrated to stop from breeding.
tommyfox 19
At least it's not CNN!
loserman67 36
Is your mom a MILF? turn her's to Skin-a-max maybe you'll get lucky
ilikeapplejuice 7
How would OP get lucky??..
Fruitmonster2 15
So before she did this, did you fall asleep listening to Animal Planet?
TheClaymanColony 2
Oh, I get it: reverse psychology...your mother is a crafty one...
iamyourgod 3
Only a fox viewer would think that reruns of family guy playing at 3am will correct someones morals.
starwind3438 9
Faux news sucks.
Angelrose2004 17
Shouldn't she have tried teaching you that growing up!? I'd say at this point, she's a lil late! Smh
racheljessie 17
Maybe OP should change their mother's TV channel so that she falls asleep listening to The Daily Show and/or The Colbert Report. Either one is a lot better than Fox News! LOL!
AdrianEC 15
Looks like we've lost your mom to THEM, OP. FYL, so so so much...