Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML
Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML
Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I was hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then fainted. FML
Today, I had my first gig with my new band. I was concentrating on my guitar during the second song when I tripped over the singer's microphone cable, hit my head on the bass drum, and blacked out. When I came to, people were applauding, apparently thinking it was part of the act. FML
Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
I think he may of taken the knock-knock joke a tad too literally.
Exodiafinder687 58
I bet the audience though that was the best punchline of the night.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (49)
BBeffedmylife 28
My first night doing stand up was awful! The next two times were pretty bad too. But hey! At least you got up there and tried! Not a lot of people can say they've done that.
lvg_fml 10
I hope someone called the police. You should definitely press charges
holydevil420 10
Don't be a snitch, and it'll be great material for next time
ShadowlessSpear 21
No, I think someone getting knocked out by a drunk bastard is police call worthy.
Gregor1234 16
You would have done better saying you were a magician - you made the audience disappear!
Cath_Astald 9
You deserve props for even going on the stage and for trying to make an audience laugh. Considering how many people have anxiety and problems with public speeches, I give you high five. Not in the face though...you already got that covered.
appletreee 30
Looks like your performance was a knockout!
pedinhuh 23
That's what comedians call of "hecklers", people who just go to the comedy club to get shit-faced and mess up with the comedian's show. But this guy crossed the line, i hope the security guys took properly care of his ass! BTW, I know that you're in the beggining of this, but you will a lot more of these hecklers, don't be afraid though, they can be very useful to crack some wise jokes and make fun of..
Enslaved 38
"No comments from the peanut gallery" got its expression because that's where many hecklers were known to usually sit.
ProfessorMctitie 20
They might have been jealous of your beauitful voice
CaliCassanova 14
Haha sorry thats kinda sad you let a drunk guy not only climb on stage but then knock you out? You never heard of ducking or blocking or moving out of the way?? On the bright side it will be great material for your next show!
earljonez 22
At least you can say that your performance was a knock out
Bazinga90 12
You'll get there, that dude was just obviously a douche bag.
pjsr 33
And OP was a punching bag!