Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML
Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML
Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I was hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then fainted. FML
Today, I had my first gig with my new band. I was concentrating on my guitar during the second song when I tripped over the singer's microphone cable, hit my head on the bass drum, and blacked out. When I came to, people were applauding, apparently thinking it was part of the act. FML
Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I think he may of taken the knock-knock joke a tad too literally.
Exodiafinder687 58
I bet the audience though that was the best punchline of the night.
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Comments (49)
patrickalamo 48
Take a boxing class then reload and try again.
pjsr 33
You're a hit!
martin8337 36
That's taking heckling to a whole new level.
mt631 18
Just keep at it OP. One of my best friends does open-mic stand up and he's had some rough sets too. Hopefully they threw the guy out. Best of luck!
goodjoblol 25
Jim Jefferies is that you?
ADCH_fml 7
The FML moderators can suck my dick. I will question any FML post I choose to, and I will continue to do so as long as I live in the United States of America. Thank you for understanding.
HotShot313 15
Well at least he enjoyed.
Harold6858 9
That's some knockout comedy
fml510605 16
I guess he didn't like your act.?
Eyalsh 32
Hey Buddy, i know something that could make you feel better, look up "jim jefferies", he is one of the best stand-up comedy performers today, wanna know how he got his publicity? he got punched in the head while doing a show. wanna know how he dealt with it? he showed the footage of him being punched in the head in the next show and made material out of it. good luck mate.