Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML
Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
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Top comments
rangerPat 12
I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.
beehardxcore 26
What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"
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Comments (83)
node_fml 5
I'm married shit that happens when you're married long enough happened. Mlia This isn't a fml, sorry. next.
Steve95401 49
OP should be glad her husband prefers Jeopardy over Wheel of Fortune and isn't drooling over Vanna White.
RaulGarcia30 10
A guy rejecting sex?? Not possible and either way he could record it
Reaper1984 13
I'll make it a true daily double Alex and risk it all including my marriage.
dontpanic_fml 32
Suck it, Trebek
amifaiyaz 12
priorities, I suppose.
rockydify 22
Sounds like you need Tivo. :)
iloveshim 14
What is REJECTED.
buddy51 23
OP- FYL because your husband is role-playing you perfectly! Turned down for tv just like you turn him down. See how you like it!!
Sketchisan 27
You assume that she makes a habit out of turning him down. Maybe she's very accommodating to his needs and he makes a habit out of blowing her off.
ophel1a 7
you sure inferred a lot from such little information given. /ahem
buddy51 23
Yes, I did indeed..... And yet, I am right in my inference.... He gave her what she gives him in response to her giving him what he gives her.... Turnabout.....
ophel1a 7
okay--here's what you do. unplug your digital antenna box, then seduce your hub at the exact time jeopardy next airs; tell him if he's 'good', you'll download the newest episode for him. mayyyyybe it'll work. maybe.