Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML
Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML
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Top comments
_parth 20
Your cat forgot how to cat.
socksxox 19
Cats see us as stupid bigger versions of themselves. they bring us dead mice and stuff because they think we don't eat much cause we don't know how to hunt. So if it makes you feel any better, your cat was probably watching on with so much pride :)
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Comments (39)
jelrid 30
Oi, am I the only one who initially read that as "... Chased it around the yard, shooting it away..."? Yeah? Okies.....
RylanHolland89 6
Are you sure that wasn't Hillary campaigning outside your window?
lifes_rough23 8
this is so freaking hilarious!
childproofpizza 19
you should really buy a pellet gun
DrChrisOfWumbo 12
You're in Alabama. Not to stereotype type or anything but do you not have even a BB gun?! Come on OP. Learn how to get shit done
VagueEel 13
probably a little late for this but put a fake snake near where the bird normally is. it will (hopefully) scare it off. we had a similar issue with birds sitting on our car and a rubber snake in the dashboard worked wonders.
XboxSqueaker 15
just get yourself a cheap airsoft gun and shoot the birds when they get annoying. It won't kill, just scare them
WardenWolf 26
For sale: one useless cat. We had a mockingbird that would sit on our chimney and squawk early in the morning every day. It was really obnoxious. Finally I had enough and went outside with my BB gun and knocked him off the chimney. He flew off, and never came back.