Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML
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Top comments
Ninjafriends 1
I noticed that you refrained from saying that you're a dog groomer, and that you "make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates". This implies that you specialize in the penis of dogs. Do you occasionally get requests to groom a dog and have to reply, "sorry, I only do the penis and sometimes the scrotum, you'll have to look elsewhere"? Also, don't lie. You love it.
Alzied 0
Do you get excited too?
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Comments (116)
just_nicole 1
pahahaha oh thts soo wrong..but yet so funny!!
fritz2 0
you know you like the pinky!
rockr_chick 5
RED ROCKET RED ROCKET!
s_rose007 0
^lol exactly what i was thinking.
I_R_Genius 3
This would only be an FML if the OP is a male. On the other hand, if it's a female then the dogs are in for a treat. :)
roeallen 11
She is a dog whisperer! She leans in and ... Well, she whispers.
SquaredRectangle 0
at least something gets turned on by you OP
frozzenhart 0
41 she is female ( I hope ) cuz it's said ' I've touch more dog penises den I have human ones . ' unless op is gay or otherwise I believe it's a she .
m1j3 0
i've licked more dog ****** than I have human ****** FML
Dino33mite 0
do you give them a happy ending
gogopr 0
whispering eye?
heyred 11
Animals don't get 'excited' in a sexual "feel good" way. FYI *********** is a crime where you live.
mazzera_fml 7
pink cigar
klynhunter 0
Bwahaha, no happy endings here!
jrad1982 0
made all the puppies lip sticks poke out eh..
WhoIsThe 7
Your FML should be, "I'm hot enough for dogs, but not enough for people.FML" xD
omgawshglee 4
...eeww.
omgawshglee 4
^That was meant for #54^
Alzied 0
Do you get excited too?
Nandito2 0
Hope OP doesn't...that would be just wrong...
JPalmer94 0
lmao
naximus93 0
I got excited just by reading the FML.
beezy_gurl13 0
hahaha!!! naximus - your hilarious but that's just wrong x)
KingNut 0
poor you
martialart1st18 19
This FML is disturbing :(
DahkLohd 4
You lucky dog.
btterflygrl 0
What you did there...I saw it. You sly dog, you.
PSQ91 6
Doggystyle?
iloveloosy12 0
ugghhh
Starcatch77 20
Ohhey ;)
Ninjafriends 1
I noticed that you refrained from saying that you're a dog groomer, and that you "make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates". This implies that you specialize in the penis of dogs. Do you occasionally get requests to groom a dog and have to reply, "sorry, I only do the penis and sometimes the scrotum, you'll have to look elsewhere"? Also, don't lie. You love it.
fritz2 0
your not a ninja. liar.
Skroal_stomper 5
I was going to say the same thing. Fritz? Where does it say he is a ninja? He is a friend of a ninja. LOL
DahkLohd 4
@9 - Right on. Just look at the OP's user name. :)
Skroal_stomper 5
ROFLMAO. I didn't even see that.
Ninjafriends 1
Thank you. As Skroal points out, I am the friend of ninjas. OP should edit her name to "dogpenisgrabber", since that one word makes a huge difference.
memo619 0
your first post wasn't funny, and using it a 2nd time doesn't make it funnier just throwing that out there
Ninjafriends 1
Sorry I've insulted you and your favorite hobby. Grab all the penis you want.
memo619 0
yes, because using a third time makes it funny
Ninjafriends 1
Okay good. Apparently the second time didn't work, but I'm glad the third time was a success. Cheers.
Ratdaddy94 0
third times the charm
hahafylop 4
Holy crap memo, way to be a b*tch... We should enter you in a b*tch contest. Oh wait, since you are the only one competing, you win!
spanelli 16
60- You aren't funny...
memo619 0
60 you flatter me with your cheesy comments plus, my crown would clearly be stolen by Sarah Palin or Jane Brewer
memo619 0
Jan* ffffuuu auto correct
cantdeleteaccount 2
that was terrible
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
speak for yourself memo, I thought it was hilarious so suck it
hahafylop 4
63, I may not be funny, but that doesn't mean she isn't a bitch.
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
Flame war, flame war, flame war!!
Calyx_fml 22
Bitch. :)
Bribop 0
Dog groomers make good money quit complaining
klynhunter 0
isn't that what this site is for? I complain about my life, you complain about yours. then everything is ok because we leave knowing life sucks all around, and we can laugh at each other and have the stress relieved.
DncrHap 9
wait. wait. wait. so you mean to tell me that you work at a pet groomer assembly line? like, a dog goes on the conveyor belt, and there are a bunch of people that specialize in grooming a different part of the dog? i mean, that's cool and all. but how on earth did you learn to groom penis-areas? and why? also, do you not groom female dogs ever? this fml poses too many questions for my taste.
DncrHap 9
quite possibly.
DncrHap 9
super funnnnn.
klynhunter 0
today, I groomed 10 dogs. 5 of them were male, 5 were female. after grooming the head, ears, and body, I got to groom their belly and private parts. one dog got excited. I've been doing this for 2 years to pay for college. such fun. I didn't think it sounded as good like this, either.
DncrHap 9
1. now this just looks like i was talking to myself. which makes me smile. 2. thanks for answering my questions, Question Man! you're my hero.
klynhunter 0
why does that happen? a good 3 of my comments back to people have been deleted.