Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML
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Top comments
Ninjafriends 1
I noticed that you refrained from saying that you're a dog groomer, and that you "make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates". This implies that you specialize in the penis of dogs. Do you occasionally get requests to groom a dog and have to reply, "sorry, I only do the penis and sometimes the scrotum, you'll have to look elsewhere"? Also, don't lie. You love it.
Alzied 0
Do you get excited too?
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Comments (116)
klynhunter 0
you didn't have to read anything. fyl for not having anything better to do with your life than nit pick about mine. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. I'm not whining, it's more like me telling it like a funny story.
klynhunter 0
also, don't make assumptions based on a few comments you read. I don't run around all day complaining. I was joking around with some friends and someone said, "that sounds like an FML!" so I posted it. I know my life doesn't suck any more than any other average middle class person. I'm not trying to make it sound like it does. don't try to make me sound like some snooty rich spoiled brat that mommy and daddy made get a job. that's not me. I work four jobs, go to college, and take care of my daughter. I think I've earned the right to complain about one job.
magicstar 0
they get excited? get a job doing doggie hand jobs
WhataWook 0
It's only interspecies erotica...god, y'all act like you've never touched a dog's dick...oh wait...i haven't either...sucks for you OP
sinny7684 4
at least you know your skills work! just whenever you get a real and do it up! work them skills, girl!
Melli17 3
who let the dogs out?
Almiesaur 0
So wait, you actually wish you could touch random human penises all day long instead?
klynhunter 0
Er, no. That sounded bad, lol.
teajay159 0
amen!
Fuck3d278 0
So I'm still in me teens and volunteer at a shelter. I know where you are coming from because I use to help prep for surgury... Lot of doggy penis there... It gets odd sometimes... Yes.
astriofou 0
who's got a boner? is it u boy? YES IT IS! Good Boy :3 now hold still while mommy tends to business >:]