Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML
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Top comments
Ninjafriends 1
I noticed that you refrained from saying that you're a dog groomer, and that you "make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates". This implies that you specialize in the penis of dogs. Do you occasionally get requests to groom a dog and have to reply, "sorry, I only do the penis and sometimes the scrotum, you'll have to look elsewhere"? Also, don't lie. You love it.
Alzied 0
Do you get excited too?
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Comments (116)
perdix 31
Don't you also squeeze their anal glands? I'll bet you're a barrel of laughs at cocktail parties. Let me know when you start giving dogs Brazilians.
madamsatine2008 0
I feel ya! I'm in the same field.. coming home smelling like fritos and dog piss.. not fun
ringogrey 4
that's hot
Asario 0
work those scooby snacks girl!
Tomatobee 4
That picture is definitely my background picture on my phone...
goawaynowbye 1
Go to college. Get yourself an education and a better job. If you don't try, it means you like it and that makes you a perv. If you lived in IL, I'd ask who you were so I can remember never to take my dog to you.
lyttleravyn 1
I'm a pet groomer also. I went to college, got a degree and I still chose grooming. Do I trim pets' sanitary areas? Yes. Do some of them get excited? Yes. Its just part of the job and isn't something I necessarily look forward to doing, but it needs to be done. Like every job, its not for everyone. If you don't like it then pursue something else, but don't make it seem like groomers in general are uneducated and perverted.
alexFYL 11
You sound like a bitch. And since you aren't trying not to be a bitch, it means you like it and that you enjoy living a sad, lonely life. If I lived in IL, I'd ask where so I could punch you.
naximus93 0
That is exactly what I was thinking.
BloodyHeel 8
Lip stick.
pip74205 9
Well, if you REALLY wanted to touch more human penises than dog penises, I'm sure you could find a street corner. Then you could get paid to touch both!
livewire1701 8
anyone ever think maybe she works at a shelter or vet and her job is to prep animals to be spayed and neutered. that would fit this discription.
sallen0046 4
Unless this is your first day of work, which it obviously isn't given the number of animal parts you want us to believe you've touched, you shouldn't have had to make this "realization". You're making a legal living wage. That alone makes you better off than a great deal of the population at this point.