Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I spent years making fun of people who buy expensive coffee every morning instead of making it at home, and after I got a remote job and started living alone, I realized the barista at the café is currently the closest thing I have to a social life. Yesterday she remembered my order and I nearly felt emotional. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I had to admit that my coffee addiction is really bad when I woke up in a Starbucks with no memory of how I got there. FML
Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, while waiting in line at Starbucks, the person behind me started venting about their breakup. I assumed they were on the phone with a friend, so I nodded along. After 5 minutes, I realized they were talking directly to me. I ended up giving relationship advice while holding a frappuccino I didn’t even order. FML
Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
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Top comments
my_fml_account 2
if they work at Starbucks, they dont really care how you feel. They're just getting paid to pretend to care.
Intoxicunt 6
It only makes you feel warm and fuzzy because the coffee is hot. I'll be your friend!
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Comments (111)
catryn 0
So? I really like the people at Cosi. Not better than actual friends, though..........
DollyDoll2 0
Well the Starbucks people are nice
DameGreyWulf 1
YDI for this FML being too god damned dramatic and long.
Slicer316 2
I know the feeling lol
bugmenotmofo 34
your mom has been moderated
jonny2x4 0
F your life indeed!
rickyBooBBy 0
Face
iEuphorical 0
Sorry to break it to you man, but they don't actually care about how you've been or how you feel. They're paid to be nice to you. ):
mpangz 0
It's true. Any form of business that requires customer service has trained employees to pretend they give a shit. The better the customer service, the more than likely the customer will come back, i.e. you, the OP. :(
jewelzgalore 0
this fml is beautifully crafted