Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 24
It didn't work? You must not have tipped your fedora at her quite right.
Razath 17
Next time you should try, 'I think you're cute, want to go for a coffee sometime?'. Oh, and also don't hit on people while they're working and you're a customer, probably.
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Comments (7)
FluffythePink 24
It didn't work? You must not have tipped your fedora at her quite right.
Razath 17
Next time you should try, 'I think you're cute, want to go for a coffee sometime?'. Oh, and also don't hit on people while they're working and you're a customer, probably.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
He shouldn't even try the line you suggest. She's at work and has to smile at him to keep her job. He needs to back off and let her do her job. Luckily she knows how to brush him off. But it's a real pain for pretty women, having to fend jerks off like that while trying to get a good job of work done.
Razath 17
Thus why I also said -not- to hit on people while they're working :)
Iamthebanzai22 21
Yah, don't hit on people who are professionally obligated to be nice to you. Charm them, yes, but don't hit on them.
BurnInDemonFire 39
So which burned more, the coffee or the rejection? Wait, I don't really care about the answer. I'm just gonna laugh at you being a stupid bastard.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
No you're not smooth, you're sexualising a woman who'll get into trouble if she doesn't do her job. Leave her alone.
EricW 4
you know what? quit flirting
MistressAfrodite 5
yeahhh don’t hit on people at work