Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I spent years making fun of people who buy expensive coffee every morning instead of making it at home, and after I got a remote job and started living alone, I realized the barista at the café is currently the closest thing I have to a social life. Yesterday she remembered my order and I nearly felt emotional. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I had to admit that my coffee addiction is really bad when I woke up in a Starbucks with no memory of how I got there. FML
Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, while waiting in line at Starbucks, the person behind me started venting about their breakup. I assumed they were on the phone with a friend, so I nodded along. After 5 minutes, I realized they were talking directly to me. I ended up giving relationship advice while holding a frappuccino I didn’t even order. FML
Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
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Top comments
my_fml_account 2
if they work at Starbucks, they dont really care how you feel. They're just getting paid to pretend to care.
Intoxicunt 6
It only makes you feel warm and fuzzy because the coffee is hot. I'll be your friend!
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Comments (111)
fwongraven 10
Maybe your friends are sick of your miserable attitude.
roflmaonade 2
and the worst part is, they probably AREN'T that happy to see you and don't honestly wanna know how you've been and how you're feeling. paid emotions my friend, at 8.50 an hour at that
Misschristine90 0
Yes, us baristas have that effect on customers. We make better tips that way. : )
plexico 4
Thanks for confirming my comment #30. I was guessing that was so, but I am happy that a real, live barista admits the truth.
K4ofDoom 0
I work at a café that serves Starbucks drinks and we don't even have a tip jar. You can probably guess how much I give a shit about customers.
TheTruth1428 0
Maybe you should find some new friends, start being more friendly, and stop thinking they at Starbucks actually care. They're only friendly to you so you'll come back and hopefully tip them. If they are actually friendly to you because they care, maybe it's time to befriend them and ditch your current "friends".
urbanlover 3
Starbucks sucks. Make better friends. Drink better coffee.
mainedem 0
I respectfully disagree with most of you. My girlfriend is a manager at Starbucks in New England and has shift-led two different locations regularly. I knew her before she started working there and she is essentially the same person: kind, respectful, professional. She is normally uncomfortable in customer service (more comfortable in management), and she had to work very hard to acclimate herself. She is now a phenomenal barista, not because she's faking it (she'll admit she can't act), but because she really cares. Her customers really look out for her. They roll up her windows when it rains and bring her car parts from the junkyard/store if she mentions she needs one. Her coworkers do to, as they have become my real-life friends. I go over to their houses, drink/party with them, stay at their place, go out to karaoke night, and even go to fairs/events/vacations sometimes. They've been known to give me rides home, let me know about special events, and attend fundraisers even without me asking them to do so. And you know what? They aren't mean or even "normal" when they're off the clock. They're the same people: genuine and nice. They come in all forms, white, black, young, old, Somalian, Indian, Iranian, male, female, hot, ugly. At the end of the day, though, only one of them was fake, and her ass was fired a loooooong time ago.
v1kt4r 13
Well if the shit was boring you cant really blame the guy for falling asleep now can u
Pyrbaby 0
Personally it has nothing to do with being valued beyond your money. I worked for Wendy's for two years, and I had a few regulars that I not only recognized, but had their orders memorized as well. Its repetition, not caring. If customers weren't happy, we didn't make money. If customers were displeased with me personally, it could've cost me my job. So I always had a smile waiting and usually engaged in some friendly chitcat. It didn't mean I cared about those people beyond my job. They weren't my friends. I didn't think of them when they left. I'm not saying that it never happens. It is possible to become friends with the customers. But it isn't the norm. Bottom line is, they are paid to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. That's how they get their tips.
happy_me 0
sorry for your lonely life (if it's real), but I hate how overdramatically you wrote this FML. this has been done before, so dont try to remake it
morpher910 0
i'm too lazy to read that whole comment.