Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
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Top comments
key_2010 0
Yuck! At least he did it before you started having sex.
DocBastard 40
Or maybe the boyfriend was stinking drunk. *rereads FML* Just as I suspected. Or just as I read it, rather. Here is DocBastard's guide to commenting, free of charge. A) read the FML B) think about your comment C) write the comment D) proofread the comment E) submit the comment
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Comments (52)
Shaowolf 17
wojoo nederlander:p waarvoor istie dan dronken
moneygod 0
atlest he did not thorw up on you dress
vomitknife 0
I hope you have dumped him by now.
zombieneden 5
"F" that guy.
princess_5_12_83 1
sounds like my life
GotALife 11
See! When you do something for a man they take it for granted. FYL and every women who has to deal with man.
Master_Of_Awsome 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! lol sry its funny cause im a guy so after the next day he most likey had a hangover then said uhh hey can u put the dress on again but first make me a samwich
kingdomhearts3 0
Your BF sounds like a ****** asshole...Hope you develop some self-respect and find yourself an actual man that doesn't come to your 1-on-1 time drunk off his ass
badactor009 0
Listen honey, most guys dream of finding a woman who will get all dolled up for him. You deserve better than what you got. Make that plain and clear to Mr. vomit. Insist on being treated with respect, especially when you are putting some effort into what he should appreciate.
mssuki 0
DTMA.