Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
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Top comments
key_2010 0
Yuck! At least he did it before you started having sex.
DocBastard 40
Or maybe the boyfriend was stinking drunk. *rereads FML* Just as I suspected. Or just as I read it, rather. Here is DocBastard's guide to commenting, free of charge. A) read the FML B) think about your comment C) write the comment D) proofread the comment E) submit the comment
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Comments (52)
wtfimnotgay 0
or, your just plain ugly maybe, maybe your bf had to get drunk just to see you, but he still barfed because of your uglyness.
lBMTHl 0
You're**
melmeldolphin 8
And so the mating ritual begins...
lizabethp 11
you shouldve went out drinking with him instead..?
greycellgreen 0
April, is this you!?
heather_bunny 3
I don't see how you were at fault, like some of these dumbasses are saying...He's just a loser. Def. not a keeper. lol
mandypandypants 4
maybe he was nervous about your "romantic" night that he had to get some confidence and accidentaly drank too much.
C6Racer 0
I'll never understand how girls fall for guys like this. I'd give anything for a girl, like OP, who puts thought like that into a relationship. Every girl I've met just tries to take advantage of me since I'm an extremely patient person. Luckily, I'm smart enough to see trouble before any real damage is done.
supertacowaffle 41
Thats sweet. Yeah that's what my boyfriend is like:/ I'd like him to be different...
thisismyname_fml 1
For 34, if you'd like him to be different, dump him. Seriously, life is too short to waste your time on a guy that you don't love for who he is. Trying to change him will just exhaust the both of you until one of you finally gives up. And in the meantime, while you're wasting your time on a guy that you don't have a future with, you could be missing out on someone who already is what you want. I really wish people would figure out that they don't have to be so willing to settle. Especially in this day and age, you don't need to rush into a relationship that isn't right for you just to be in one.
princess_5_12_83 1
i like your advice wish i could listen to it my self :((
oldenuff2party 3
aaaaand thats why girls cheat
Booster456142_fml 1
Sexy lol
yourWIFEandKIDS 0
Are you gonna eat that?