Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML
Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML
Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
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Top comments
xxbvbsusanxx 21
You really gotta watch it with those things..Try using just one..
yung_dubbs 9
Yeah I was just about to say... That's why you only wear one while doing that man. That's just stupid lol that's jack off 101
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Comments (115)
GlasgowSneer 13
Reminds me of a picture I read. Mom texts her son like, "Son, what are you doing?" And the picture was screenshot on Pornhub. xD
Dumbledora 9
Why on earth would you wear noise-canceling headphones while jerking off? Isn't it important to hear your surroundings so you don't get caught? *shakes head* YDI for not using common sense!
MisterGone 1
EXACTLY!
DeathcoreDoge 10
sounds like a sticky situation. .....
davincidasecond 24
Not if he didn't finish.
christian1509 21
If she wasn't home, why did you need to use noise canceling headphones?
crazytwinsmom 25
He didn't want to miss any of the great dialogue due to outside noise.
ShadowlessSpear 21
"great dialogue"
laden_swallow09 35
^ Hence the sarcasm.
tanabanana13 14
For the surround sound realism! It's like OP was THERE!
dlocodom 6
idiot lol
vikky538 29
ha notice canceling ..and eye disturbing...
Rawrshi 25
Lock the doors, close the blinds, divert mirrors away. Only then is it safe to play. I mean, really. That's basic masturbation etiquette. Well, and only having one headphone on/in and maybe the tv on for coverage noise. Just in case!
RedPillSucks 33
Damn. How much noise do you make while masturbating?
Rawrshi 25
I apologize but I don't know the volume levels of my masturbation in any way that I would be able to explain. It varies from person to person, I'm sure. All I know is tv either covers it or others in my house don't care regardless. Either way, I lock my door and close the window. xD
moonbootz 7
good to know....not to be creepy.
PoisonOrchid 21
Lol a little common sense goes a long way..
noah_1234 24
what did she say?
dakatabg 31
Busted