Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
General anaesthesia is ALWAYS better. That way you can't hear us saying "Oh shit, what the hell is that?" and talking about you.
torio123 27
That is so metal
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Comments (100)
Alyssa125 10
Sorry to hear OP!
PterodactylMan 23
Hopefully he doesn't end up that bad
jacsoccerdude3 10
At least you won't feel a thing!
Sfaizi24 17
#23 you didn't understand the fml did you?
cryptic26 12
You hope.... dun dun dunnnh
jacsoccerdude3 10
#24 If he/she is getting general anesthetic he/she won't feel anything…
TheCanucklehead 22
#24 and you don't get the difference between general and local
Gestpacho88 12
#23 they wont feel it during, but judging by what the doctor said, they certainly will later.
strapper88 6
Isn't that any surgery? You don't come out of an op feeling instantly better.
nurchok 15
#46, hello morphine...
bandeek 30
Morphine was my friend after my first surgery. But i was also so out of it that my dad thought i was mad at him.
Javier6597 19
Way to be a supportive surgeon
Murilirum 23
I want to know this man, and award him a medal.
K410 18
Don't worry I'm sure he has a lot of hours put into surgeon simulator 2013 before the operation ;D
Jareth_King 21
God damn, that game is frustrating just thinking about it
nurchok 15
That's some European humor for you. At least he's honest... :)
torio123 27
That is so metal
kozzard 17
my stomach is a graveyard
mrt8062 7
That must suck
jonmansheppard 9
I know, right?? If only there was a button for that!
dweeds508 24
No, it must be great thinking there will be a lot of blood coming from your body durning a surgery
jonmansheppard 9
A lot of blood usually does come from their body. That's why in the surgery you get transfusions.
DocBastard 40
#29 - No, you usually do NOT bleed a lot during surgery, and transfusions are very rare. Or did I miss that day on uncontrolled bleeding during surgery school?
TheDrifter 24
I think 29 went to the Mengele school of medicine. Only once in 6 surgeries have I needed a transfusion, and that time I had already lost a lot of blood by the time I got there.
blondie107 20
That's nice...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
At least it's a good book. But yeah get the hell out of that operation.
DocBastard 40
General anaesthesia is ALWAYS better. That way you can't hear us saying "Oh shit, what the hell is that?" and talking about you.
jonmansheppard 9
I read surgeon and immediately expected a comment from you.
jkmartinjk 16
I, for one, would like to know what surgery you're having OP, so I can avoid it all costs.
TheDrifter 24
I'm not sure which is worse, the "what the hell is that", or coming up one short on the equipment count at the end.
lissa_jade 22
I read "dumbass doc" and automatically expected input from him. doesn't necessarily need to be a surgeon !
rivaraven 35
Do you have much experience with 'oh shit, what the hell is that'? I sometimes read your blog, but it would be interesting to hear (read) something similar to that..
DocBastard 40
I say that all the time. Usually it's in response to a misspelled tattoo or a vial of "something" that fell out of someone's ass crack. Yes, that happened.
rivaraven 35
Oh man. I'd like to see you work. Or even be a patient of yours, but that's kinda impossible. Sadly. You seem awesome tbh.
DocBastard 40
With all due respect, you do NOT want to be a patient of mine. They've all been stabbed or shot or run over with a steamroller.
little_one 20
Or have a bottle up there ass. Lol Some doctors don't have great bed side manor. I'm sure some surgeons have seen a lot of ****** up and bad shit in there career and are probably desensitized to the point they can call surgery a slaughter house and not make the connection that that would scare you. Good Luck OP!
little_one 20
*Their squared sorry writing sideways in bed and not paying attention...
Lorysa 11
#75 - A bedside manor? Is that like a seaside manor? ;-)
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Manor? MANOR?!?
little_one 20
Manner god sorry. Although bedside manor would be a good name for a ***** house.
GeorgiaBea 28
I have had local, twilight, and general anesthesia and personally I like twilight the best. When I was completely under I had to have a breathing tube and I didn't like that. When I had local, it took more than they have me to knock out the pain- so it hurt a lot. But for my heart ablationI had to be awake and that was awesome. I could see my entire chest on the monitors and my heart... Plus I couldn't have cared less about anything.
alkolaali 7
I love that surgeon
crisanba 18
How encouraging
RoboCunnilingus 23
If you didn't like what he said, you should have went to you surgeon and... Opened up.