Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML
Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML
Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
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Top comments
AlwayzCelly 13
What a jerk, it was obviously an accident, at least you tried to help him
MysticMonkey 9
At least you went to check on him instead of driving off like so many people have done :)
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Comments (125)
MGITSWFTC 17
Haha! He's fine and didn't press charges, I'd say you got off pretty easy
Wizardo 34
Cyclists are such assholes, most of them don't even have proper training to ride on the roads, should've left him there but good on you for being the bigger man.
perdix 31
In retrospect, it's too bad you didn't hit him hard enough to **** up him or his bike enough to keep him from pedalling away.
little_one 20
In retrospect he should have been paying more attention to his surroundings and not hit the person in the first place.
MysticMonkey 9
On an unrelated topic i am just loving the pikachu picture.
RemyX1 7
Yeah I think cyclists are annoying and so does my mom. Especially when the ride in big groups with 4 across lines of it.
rokemay 10
Well if your mom thinks so, they must be!
ThatMightHurt 7
I guess you kind of deserve that, but it was an accident, I suppose. At least you didn't flee the scene.
Kyle_Kawi27 7
Chase him down and hit him again.
PixelPsycho 8
Because responding to violence with more violence is absolutely necessary and solves every issue.
alwaysmalia 12
I've been hit by a car when training for Ragbrai its not fun. The driver had it coming. Next time look out for bikers!
geeksaresexy 18
I say this as a cyclist in the UK, the cyclist could easily be at fault here. I have been taken off my bike by more cyclists and pedestrians (stepping off the curb without looking or walking across the cycle path) than I have motorists. I have cycled everywhere for the last 16 years, IMO dog walkers are the WORST!
Raesin 21
As a pedestrian I hate cyclists. The majority seem to think they can ride on the roads and the pavements and change whenever they want. Red light ahead? Ride on the path. Pedestrians ahead? Change to the road or try to squeeeeeze past without warning or a thankyou if I move out the way. As a disgruntled walker nowadays I just stay in the way until your bell dings, you say 'excuse me' or you go around. Needless to say, most cyclists don't understand the word 'footpath' either and happily hurtle downhill toward me, expecting me to just move. It's so tempting to throw crap in their spokes. I will happily let my dog get in your way too. I realize not all cyclists are like this but it seems to be the case for the majority. So when you moan about pedestrians, imagine the shit we go through too when we're just trying to get home.
VeganVampyre 27
79, I totally agree. I've had too many close calls with too many cyclists who think they can just go wherever they want. And where I live at least, it's actually illegal to ride a bike on the sidewalk or on a crosswalk (except for children). So they shouldn't be on the sidewalks at all, yet they run people down like they own the world. However, I've had just as many close calls with drivers who don't stop at a red light or stop sign when they're supposed to, or who look like they see me crossing and are slowing down but then speed up again and nearly hit me! So personally, I think there are just too many people not paying attention to their surroundings or what they're doing. Whether they're on bikes or in cars isn't the point, the problem is that no one seems to pay attention. As for the OP, if it was their fault, they kind of deserved to learn the lesson to watch out for cyclists. If it was the cyclist's fault, which it could also have been, then he's a jerk who needs to learn to pay attention and I feel sorry for OP.
guru_florida 3
Floor? Did you blow through his home and hit him on the stationary bike? ...I wouldn't ask if it hasn't been done before. lol.
MysticMonkey 9
Haha. I'm such a pokemon nerd