Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML
Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML
Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
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Top comments
AlwayzCelly 13
What a jerk, it was obviously an accident, at least you tried to help him
MysticMonkey 9
At least you went to check on him instead of driving off like so many people have done :)
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Comments (125)
ashjo 12
Cyclists think they own the friggin road and go so close to your car..If anything he's asshole
fluffycatsdad 33
Yet another example to add to the 'Dickish Moves By Cyclists' portfolio. That must have been quite an ordeal; I hope you weren't TOO shaken-up by it!
Albanic 7
Very nice of you to care! But reading this as well mixes my emotions, of horrified :o to giggling :-P. Anybody else?
tragicnightmare 15
OP I can't help but notice you said floor instead of ground. Sorry it was just bothering me lol
LyraAlluse 25
Now I remember why I tend to avoid cyclists like the plague, whether I'm driving in a car or walking places as a pedestrian or even if I happen to be another cyclist on the road.
Kimmy___888 8
I think this sounds fake. I don't believe that this actually happened.
Lomus 24
I don't know whether the crash was OP's fault or the cyclists, or neither, but he was certainly out of line. Again, ther aren't many details, but I get the impression you just intended to check his pulse, without speaking to let him know what you were doing or asking if he was OK; if it were me in that situation I'd make the same assumption he did.
WonkeyDonkey 10
I was going to suggest running back over him. (Yeah I know unfortunately it's illegal) what about running back over his bike then so the asshole is left walking both him and his bike home ;)
candacekmp 14
That's both ****** up and awesome at the same time!
SinfulEnd 20
Remember the Rules of the Road. Unless their driving a vehicle bigger then yours, and they pull out infront of you, speed up. If you "Accidentally" hit one, you speed the hell up. If their bigger then you, slam on the brakes and wait for them to pass. And Never and I quote Never stop or slow down for smaller vehicles.