Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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Top comments
BlackHawkSavior 28
Call that dude out! That's so nasty
gamermonster 34
No more shit puns down here please. We have bad ones up here already.
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Comments (66)
martin8337 36
Forget about the shit puns, what about the possibility of hep b ?
kohcoldnut 6
why is he eating spaghetti bare handed??
yellowzinnias 20
Hey, sometimes you're craving spaghetti, sometimes you're craving ass. As my gay male friends tell me, once you've eaten ass, nothing else will satisfy the craving. He did his best. lol
yellowzinnias 20
Whoops, sorry for the repeat! Thought it got blocked for language.
Krankerev 10
What a ******* dick. You should of chewed him out
alerra 21
Brothers... what can you do about 'em?