Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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Top comments
BlackHawkSavior 28
Call that dude out! That's so nasty
gamermonster 34
No more shit puns down here please. We have bad ones up here already.
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Comments (66)
TheSmartAss10 21
That's pretty shitty, OP. But, why didn't you say anything? :P
Grenith 21
If you're going to make bad puns at least put a little effort in.
ShortieRose 30
"crap, I put that sh!t on everything"!!!!
kuzzy00 22
What a little shit stirrer
ReallyHottChic 14
I would of called him out at the dinner table, that's beyond nasty!
gamermonster 34
I typed something rude here, so i changed it :)
Mathalamus 25
How? The op was the only one who saw it. You know he would just deny everything.
gotaplanstan 28
would of, could of, should of...eh #3?
CzaneWinters 9
You could say it tasted pretty shitty!!!
DogeDogeDoge 13
Your comment was pretty shitty, at least.
BlackHawkSavior 28
Call that dude out! That's so nasty
gamermonster 34
No more shit puns down here please. We have bad ones up here already.
Queen_bee1234 21
Guess he likes meat balls with his spaghetti.
gamermonster 34
I think you need to read the fml again ;)
cheeeksss 29
I think you need to understand the joke, 8.
lil_ham1644 29
it said down the back of his pants, so no balls.
Zuniga01 14
Dingleberry's.
FlamingColor 30
As long as it's not my food, more power to him :P
Adam_Power58 16
1.Thats disgusting 2.He needs a little manner lessons maybe even psychological ones(joke) 3. And finally so he ate normally with his fingers? Does that not seem strange to anyone
MonstreBelle 29
It seems strange to me and makes me wonder how old he is if he's eating with his hands rather than utensils. It's slightly more understandable if he's a little kid. They have a tendency to be really curious about their bodies. That curiosity can sometimes lead them to do gross things because they are too young to really grasp concepts like hygiene and bacteria. Either way, I actually hope OP tells their parents so they can talk to him about it. Eating food contaminated with fecal matter can make someone really sick.
Brandi_Faith 34
I'm not sure (the whole thing is so crazy to really understand) but I think he stirred his fingers in it, adding the "flavour" I guess, and then proceeded to eat with his fork? I don't think he was necessarily eating it with his fingers, but just using his fingers to add...whatever it was he was trying to add. *gag*
MonstreBelle 29
53- You may be right. It sounded to me like he was also using his hands to eat, not just stirring his spaghetti with them. But the wording of the FML is a bit confusing, so I could definitely be wrong about that.
straightventing 11
Some people like a little more than just salt and pepper I guess!