Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML
Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Feeling horny?
DocBastard 40
Well done on the puns, everyone.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (91)
perdix 31
Well, we now know your boyfriend isn't good at mounting things in the bedroom...
Pleonasm 36
At the risk of getting thumbed down too, I'll say: Oh, LemonandLime, how funny you should say that!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Please don't put those up there! They might hurt us!" "Thats a load of bull." *crash* "I hope you're not horny, cause you're not getting ANYTHING tonight."
ManInTheMachine 20
You're lucky the commenters above you don't have a beef with you, 'cause both of those puns are already bacon. I'm willing to steak my life on the fact that you didn't look through the comments before you decided to butcher it. Honestly, it's bullshit. Cow.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, I didn't read them. My bad.
Pleonasm 36
Now now, no need to tear him in calf with your puns, I'm sure it was a simple misteak on his part!
unknown_user5566 27
Now now MITM, it's really a moot point. It's rare that she misses previous comments, and you should cut her a break. It's udderly ridiculous to burn her at the steak for this.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm a girl.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Also, moo
unknown_user5566 27
Why so serious today, 53? Sounds like you're taking this thread too personally.
Pleonasm 36
Yea sorry about that. I only saw that you were a girl (pink square) after the fact! Sincerely sorry on that one.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm not trying to be serious! I guess I'm just a little down because I misunderstood when my mom said "bananas ease cramps", and got caught rubbing a banana on my crotch. No, I'm not joking. I'm an idiot.
BulldogHoops 14
That's just hornible.
PuggieKid 22
*Refer to 18s pic*
Omegadolly 22
"Coming up next, on 1000 Ways to Die..."
benmec 18
What?
natluna79 5
Brilliant!!
I_lost_the_game 25
Are we reading the same FML?
ICastillo 25
Well that's a hell of an alarm you got there. I'm sure you'll wake up after it goes off.
planetsmurf 6
Did he take the bull by the horns?
viper_dlh04 1
I guess that's one way of grabbing life by the horns.