Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML
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Top comments
AnOriginalName 19
I have eczema and it occasionally flares on my neck, right where a hickey would be. People always ask if it's a hickey, but I don't even have a girlfriend. At least you have the claim to being clumsy. My skin just hates me.
ActionFearo 39
If they believe that you could have a significant other, then you're already half way there-ish! Be confident and proud of who you are! You'll find someone for you! Don't dwell on it, just live and have fun and it'll happen.
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Comments (47)
AnOriginalName 19
I have eczema and it occasionally flares on my neck, right where a hickey would be. People always ask if it's a hickey, but I don't even have a girlfriend. At least you have the claim to being clumsy. My skin just hates me.
sayyestothedress 24
I have eczema too! So I know how it feels!
OhWhoCares 42
I've got so many allergies and literally every time I have an allergy attack, my neck itches the absolute worst for so long and I get all of these red patches that look like a dozen hickeys. I feel the struggle :(
Brandi_Faith 34
If they automatically assume you got laid then you are probably more desirable than you think. Now if they had been surprised and shocked and were asking instead of assuming then you may have a point, but in my opinion it sounds like you're more desirable than you think. Try to put yourself out there more maybe if being alone bothers you? Join a club, try online dating, ask a friend if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Try to have more confidence because it doesn't sound like your as bad looking as you think. :) **Edit: sorry, this was supposed to be in response to comment #2.**
AnOriginalName 19
28, I'll just ignore the last part of that comment and assume it was meant for me. Even though I already know that I'm a sexy ************.
Brandi_Faith 34
Well as long as you know it 32. ;)
ActionFearo 39
If they believe that you could have a significant other, then you're already half way there-ish! Be confident and proud of who you are! You'll find someone for you! Don't dwell on it, just live and have fun and it'll happen.
hufflepuffle 13
He's halfway to being a couple. All OP needs now is another person....
elcee1987 18
Suuure you tripped *wink. Just call it a happy accident cause now people will think you're taken, and thus desirable.
CallMeMask 23
Play it off. Not like they need to know you injured yourself.. :p
drummer1017 8
Just roll with it, they won't be able to disprove you, and you may get more ladies this way!
Queensland 27
I doubt girls find someone covered in hickeys attractive
SystemofaBlink41 27
I beg to differ! I remember when I covered myself in fake hickeys and the ladies were swarming! Ha ha... ...I need some time alone...
Brandi_Faith 34
I also doubt that more people are going to find Op more attractive now that they are supposedly "taken." At least those people wouldn't be anyone worth dating.
MegroKitty 8
yeah but some people don't know how to back off and want someone more when they think they can't have them
keiNan_fml 35
don't worry OP i am sure it will happen soon.
foxwasalamb 24
personally, i think huge dark hickeys are kind of trashy. other people can do it, its just not for me
marcelmg 10
Yeah, next time accidentally drop some condoms on the floor. XXL of course.....
Pingvinai 37
Well, technically you got screwed by a piece of furniture.
destinedjagold 7
*gives you a high-five!*