Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML
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Top comments
AnOriginalName 19
I have eczema and it occasionally flares on my neck, right where a hickey would be. People always ask if it's a hickey, but I don't even have a girlfriend. At least you have the claim to being clumsy. My skin just hates me.
ActionFearo 39
If they believe that you could have a significant other, then you're already half way there-ish! Be confident and proud of who you are! You'll find someone for you! Don't dwell on it, just live and have fun and it'll happen.
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Comments (47)
vikky538 29
the moment when life sucks at its best...
oJoy 11
just play with it, I would haha
CandyApple88 13
Just roll with it. Enjoy the high fives and kudos. And any new (positive) attention it brings.
CaptainBlack 18
Chin up, just because you're not currently getting laid doesn't mean you're not desirable. Ok maybe chin up isn't quite the best phrase to use...
nolanj21 6
Ehh. A little lie like that won't hurt you. And I would be doing the same thing dude....
EvilLittleMan 23
Add some spice to the story saying it involved the counter top in the kitchen.
TexanBatman 8
You're lucky you die
demonfacee 14
Wow, even though you didn't get laid, be proud of yourself.
Foreverlkjakh9283!@@ 9
LOL! I play the violin. Whenever I practice or rehearse a ton, I get a big and dark purple-ish and black bruise in my neck where my violin rests. Turns out it is something called fiddlers mark. I get the same reaction all the time at school. BTW just ignore the people or go with it. Either way, you look cool.
Mooglefox 24
Whatever works.