Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML
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Top comments
AnOriginalName 19
I have eczema and it occasionally flares on my neck, right where a hickey would be. People always ask if it's a hickey, but I don't even have a girlfriend. At least you have the claim to being clumsy. My skin just hates me.
ActionFearo 39
If they believe that you could have a significant other, then you're already half way there-ish! Be confident and proud of who you are! You'll find someone for you! Don't dwell on it, just live and have fun and it'll happen.
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Comments (47)
KatzeZauber 7
I would keep an eye on your health. A giant bruise can lead to medical issues like blood clots in the future.
kalbrek009 20
I once had a huge (fist sized) hickey on my neck & was stopped by police, they wanted to know who hit me in the neck with a baseball bat & continued to pester me for 45 minutes to try to get me to "confess" who did it.
fantasyworld 39
A little white lie won't hurt anyone.
TheNotoriousHGC 15
Maybe it's just me but I definitely wouldn't assume someone had sex by seeing a bruise on their neck... And even if someone gets a hickey it doesn't mean that they had sex either... It's interesting to me how they cheered for another getting laid. Like it's a prize. I never cared about others' sex lives (unless it was a friend talking to me about something). But to me, generally, that's their info and just part of life I'd say you are just fine if it was a hickey or just a bruise. I'm sorry you got hurt! Don't worry about pleasing others or looking a certain way. And if they really would give you a hard time or make you feel bad then that's on them-not you. :)
lollypop624 11
Awwwwwww!!