Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend, "We need to talk." He said, "I know". So we met after school, and he said he was OK with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML
Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook. I don't even have Facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML
Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML
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Top comments
laurenasabutton 26
I'm really surprised/appalled your guidance counsellor agreed to that
Michiganfan4164 7
Probably better off without him if he can't say it to your face Sorry about that though plenty of fish in the sea
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Comments (106)
Michiganfan4164 7
Probably better off without him if he can't say it to your face Sorry about that though plenty of fish in the sea
mermaidsfart 4
He is a coward.
AnOriginalName 19
I'm pretty sure OP wants to date people, not fish, though.
cryssycakesx3 23
but what about a lobster? a tall, dark, handsome lobster? mmm lobster…
jake238 9
There's no more fish left. Zero.
Just_A_Tree 20
But, I don't want just ANY fish, I want your fish! ( °-°) *slowly drags fish off your plate*
Gwen4var 31
Lets just hope op is better than I am at fishing
aquapearl736 16
Why not zoidberg?
TheComedyAudio 29
That's just cold man
sayyestothedress 24
Cruel
laurenasabutton 26
I'm really surprised/appalled your guidance counsellor agreed to that
PeopleLikeGrapes 12
Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe he thought that the breakup may cause physical fighting? That's just a guess though.
shay_serendipity 29
IDK to me it just seems like he was too much of a coward to say it to her face.
biloxi_girl 22
That's exactly what I was thinking #3. This really doesn't seem like something a guidance counselor would be involved with. Either way you're better of OP if he didn't have the balls to be honest with you himself I doubt he would be man enough in anything else.
biloxi_girl 22
Off*
Brandi_Faith 34
I agree with 23, I think the only way a guidance counsellor would do this is if they thought that the girlfriend was violent or obsessive and crazy and thought she would react in a harmful way. The counsellor would have to think it was in the students best interest. Chances are the boyfriend made it sound like Op was violent or crazy or something. He sounds like a coward and like he used/played the guidance counsellor.
cfreddy4608 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Penis
sarah5745 41
You're an idiot
Gabilliam 19
what a douchecanoe
orbit 22
How do you row a douchecanoe? I'm intrigued.
countryb_cth 38
You row with swag
rekkas 16
I need to use this word often!
DeeTrain420 11
Great word!! another I though of was jabroni
Nicholas12 15
I'm gonna say that for now on thanks for the New word!
edmunson 22
And can you donut while eating a douchewaffle?
Rizzen 27
rowing up asshole river
Just_A_Tree 20
The douchecanoe sags low into the river as it swags it's way into port. The douchecanoe can hold up too five douchebags with all their gear which includes: one uniform from a low end job meant for teenagers, between seven or eight snapbacks, a pair of shoes that costs more than they have ever spent on soap, and last but not least, one or more tweets making a girl that rejected or left them feel terrible about themselves. The capacity of a douchecanoe may also be limited to one Justin Bieber, since he is the king of douchbags, it is only standard that he be given his own personal douchecanoe, so that he may swag swiftly up and down rivers and let everyone know that he is in fact a douchebag. I hope you all enjoyed this educational public service announcement.
foxwasalamb 24
delivered again
Sandman366 6
This is the real reason people should read FML. Awesome words like that. Just made my week.
Brandi_Faith 34
83, that definition definitely needs to be implemented into the Merriam-Webster Dictionary under "Douchecanoe: /dü•sh•kã•nōō/"
Miss_Moody23 19
TL; DR
ohSNAPyall 27
Good riddance, coward.
thisguy22 33
Sorry OP but my first reaction was "awesome." That being said you're obviously better off, so waste no time or thought on cowardly boys.
sweetbliss3 37
what exactly is awesome here? him being a pansy is not awesome.
awesomer16 4
What does op mean?
Sophosaurusrex 9
Wow, if I was that guidance councilor probably do my job and teach that boy step by step how to not be a complete asshole
CallMeWindSock 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's a pretty creative way to break up with somebody, you gotta give him that.
ChristianH39 30
IMO your goal shouldn't be to break up with someone in a "creative" (more like cowardly in this case) way, you should do it in an up front and honest way. And you should do it yourself.
ilovemsminaj 13
You probably are better without a guy who can't even be enough of a man to talk to you to your face
bigmike25 11
He said he could not figure out a way to break up with her.
The_Appendix_ 13
He shouldn't be with a woman not woman enough to break down and cry.