Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML
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Top comments
AnOriginalName 19
I have eczema and it occasionally flares on my neck, right where a hickey would be. People always ask if it's a hickey, but I don't even have a girlfriend. At least you have the claim to being clumsy. My skin just hates me.
ActionFearo 39
If they believe that you could have a significant other, then you're already half way there-ish! Be confident and proud of who you are! You'll find someone for you! Don't dwell on it, just live and have fun and it'll happen.
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Comments (47)
natalie_sucks 9
My mom fell off her tall spin chair at work and hit her neck and chin on the counter and she knocked a a cart full of documents over. Her coworkers and I still bring it up every once and a while. XD
laden_swallow09 35
…And? Unless there's some funny or coincidental bruising or other minor injury, it's not relevant.
Mauskau 36
You're 15 and you've named yourself Natalie_sucks???
tony1891 22
you got laid...no wait you're just trippin.
Aero_x 21
you got banged...up.
gracehi 33
"I'd be nailin her and she'd be like, 'Yeah! you're nailin me!'"
MondRubberduck 24
Just go with the flow. :P
LeBandit 20
don't worry....someone will come around
dammityou 10
while I'm here feeling glad you're still alive from falling on your neck against a countertop...
Xeivan 15
lol roll with it dawg! It's not lying if you don't correct them.
AquaBaby 11
This is an old FML... The same one was posted two years ago
chrisxja 8
Stick in there bud, it will be okay