Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML
Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML
Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML
Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML
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Top comments
tzemmy 25
so you kept the candy bar at work, and somehow didn't see or remember the word penis on it before giving it to your crush?
Standupmast3r 18
You just gave your crush your penis. You should be happy.
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Comments (46)
thejonac 21
should have really checked that candy first but try to laugh it off with him/her like it was a joke and you should be back in the game. good luck OP
worldclassrager 41
Maybe a Hershey's kiss saying "I like you" would be better
thejokingguy13 12
At least you weren't silly and you wrapped your willy
TypoFairy 20
Just explain that you didn't realize it was the one your friend had written on until you saw her expression. We all have one of those friends (whether we admit it to others or not). I don't know anyone that would waste candy because there was a scribble on the wrapper
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
Just give her another better gift...show ur honest
Joshery 14
Explain to her that your friend has a sick sense of humor and that you would never do such a thing ;)
kjmw89 1
Haha what a great friend. If I had been handed it I would have just giggled so many uptight people in this world. It's just a word it's not going to hurt anyone if she didn't see it was even a little bit funny find a new crush
sydneysays 15
Tell her what happened. Another reason to talk to your crush!
Niedermayer_20 12
What's the worse that can happen.
justthinkalittle 8
Must have had the Candy in his pocket for a loooong time before digging it out to get attention... Just gross. If you really like her find something better to give than pocket scum