Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML
Touch me I'm sick
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
Love is…
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML
Romance is dead
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
Top comments
WCARlover 35
This right here is proof that chivalry is not dead
mansfield_j 27
Hey atleast you made her feel better, sucks you crapped yourself but it's all well worth it to keep your girl happy in my book.
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Comments (128)
WCARlover 35
This right here is proof that chivalry is not dead
anythingmustbe 18
Yup it's alive and stinkin it in OP's pants
FiFiLovee 26
Chivalry isn't dead, some bitches just don't deserve a good man. >_< This proves good guys are still out there, and his gf is lucky to have him. :D
SpamPam 18
M'lady
RedPillSucks 33
The proof is in the pudding.... In his pants.
foxwasalamb 24
"some bitches don't deserve a good man" i think everyone should deserve a good other half, so to speak
Experteric 12
who's chivalry? this is in honor of another FML I read today
mansfield_j 27
Hey atleast you made her feel better, sucks you crapped yourself but it's all well worth it to keep your girl happy in my book.
ukeandfoodislife 19
Yeah. A lot of girls would kill for a guy as sweet as him (:
fortune789 17
Maybe girls should realize that most guys ARE like this, minus the shit in the pants.
gingaa96 18
That's right, happy wife = happy life (except it his girlfriend but that doesn't rhyme so FTW)
jgmarines 4
Sounds like you're a great boyfriend but also a little shitty at the same time ;)
domking1315 20
My first thought was "nobody better make a 'shitty' joke." When will the FML community learn?
smokecloud_ 37
Never.
Bloink 25
admit it, you love replying to "shitty" comments and telling them how overused that joke is
Metagame 12
The thing about a joke is that it has to have SOME logic in it.
kickass1954 14
Boo
Alvarortor 14
At least you were a gentleman.
Wingman527 22
Very true^
simplysarcastics 26
A Sharter and a Gentleman, sequel to an Officer and a Gentleman.
CerSpence 11
OP, if you think it may make anyone feel better, you could (subtly) suggest the two of you start an exercise/diet together. Help her lose some weight and maybe prevent you from dropping a load every time you try to lift something heavy :)
kingdomgirl94 29
yeah but who says that OP cares if she's gained weight? suggesting she should exercise might just upset her, subtle or not.
acerredrum 23
Not suggesting that she exercise, suggesting that they do it together. "Hey baby, I've really been wanting to start going to the gym. Would you like to come with me? It would make my work out all the better if I had you there to keep me company." I personally find working out with my s/o enjoyable. :]
lifesabish 9
Not about if he cares, if she is feeling bad about her own weight, the best thing to do is help her lose it before it gets worse, trust me....
vairyhagina 11
Or Op could get someone to follow her around with a trumpet wearing a no fat chicks shirt while screaming fat jokes and greasing up doorways with butter every time she walks into a room until she looses weight...
ColonelCusswords 24
34 wtf is wrong with you
strike2867 13
Are you telling me I'm fat?
fivetimeslonger 24
He should care. About her health, that is. I don't care if my s/o has a little extra weight on him. I do care if he has more than a little and he's headed toward increased risk for about a million conditions. Also, working out with my S/O is fun. He motivates me to lift a little heavier and get those last reps done right :)
DARKDAY07 16
#34 you are a douche....
MrsFlowers 9
What the **** is wrong with you? Yes, that's a serious question. Are you being serious? You're such an asshole. You clearly don't think before you say something, or in this case you're something. Please refrain from commenting anymore, because every time you do the stupidity level shoots up. All it means is she has a little more to love. So back the **** off because you're going to be the one to die alone. But thank you for giving us insight to the black place that's your heart.
XxAnnaXxBellexX 15
34, I get the family guy reference, but that was unnecessary and uncalled for. I barely even cracked a smile when I watch that part of the episode. weight gain is not something that can be taken lightly and leads to low self esteem and dangerous measures to become "skinny" again. I agree with working out with your s/o because it not only gives them that motivation, but it is a lot of fun and you forget you're at the gym when you're getting a workout.
Divia1 9
Hahahahahaha. Ily #34.
vairyhagina 11
Taken...lightly, I see what did there you sicko making fun of fat chicks
iceking53 8
till she randomly does laundry
Bloink 25
they meant that she will do laundry and see the poop stains
bellles 18
Awh that is so sweet, you made the best out of a shitty situation .
BreathingClover 19
**** you AND your shitty puns. (see what I did there?)
Ololo_fml 16
105 like a someboooodey, fuc u bic! Ranga ha timaman goyum terum gai!
thorssin 8
sounds like your in a stinky situation ;)
anythingmustbe 18
fmylife.com/account/logout
emeraldisle 30
*you're
anythingmustbe 18
Brace yourselves. Shitty puns incomming
Earths_Venus 25
I'm just here waiting for the shit-storm of crap jokes...
engineerosaurus 26
Perhaps because this one was actually kinda clever (and funny). Not the same old, rinsed off and reused "That's a shitty situation" and the like.
trell000 13
Alrighty then, she must weigh…a shit-ton for you to crap your pants op. And back to the bat cave I go
Earths_Venus 25
*Peter Griffin voice* Faeces.
trell000 13
Feces* no shade thrown
cjmedic 12
#96, although maybe a bit archaic, "faeces" is an acceptable spelling.
Earths_Venus 25
Sweetheart, I was performing faecal coliform testing when you were just a twinkle in your mother's eye.