Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in practically every room of the house. She had then rubbed her butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I tried to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML
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Top comments
Aiden Vetter 14
Well, he seems like he'll be a good dad
shelbimaree 5
Leave the kitty litter outside for a few days (don’t change it) they are able to smell it from ages away, worked with my friends inside cat when it got lost for 4 days ☺️ hopefully they come back!
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Comments (26)
anyoldnamewilldo 23
So...you are pregnant with your second child, right?
Venom1999 19
Hope you don't have carpet
Lobby_Bee 18
Boys just wanna have fun.
boopingsnoot 25
1. Pull one of your shirts out of the dirty laundry, and hang it off the back porch. Place a cat bed or litter box your cats use outside as well. Alert neighbors, local vets, Animal Control. 2. Re-evaluate the usefulness of your sperm donor.
QueenSaru 28
I hope you told him he shouldn't be drinking so heavily when he's 32 weeks pregnant.
QueenSaru 28
I hope you told him he shouldn't be drinking so heavily when he's 32 weeks pregnant.
Davros 12
32 weeks pregnant? How old is your boyfriend, 192 months?
mattyiscool123 26
You have a game room? Cool
Leica Mason 5
Spewing!!!!!! No pussy for him 🤣
simcityguy09 19
Dump him