Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML
Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML
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Top comments
Moota 9
Cool dad.
jonnyblackless 6
UR DADS THE BEST XD
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Comments (134)
McMike10 1
Did you at least get to keep the money?
onthetoilet 3
Your friends just that they could pay for your time
matt120784 0
Was that supposed to be a coherent sentence?
DKjazz 20
Probably "just wish that". A sentence without a verb is a sad sentence.
bfsd42 20
'Pay' is a verb.
castrosabeast 7
Haha I wish my dad would do funny stuff like this.
perdix 31
Wait til it gets around that for a few bucks, you call your johns "Daddy." This year is going to be difficult, but it could also be very profitable ;)
jizzwold 21
You are aging yourself by calling them "johns". Still love you though.
the_enigma1019 1
You really should have weighed the consequences of getting into the car of an adult male to the offering of money and sweet talk. It would have seemed amusing if you had screamed and ran to a dean or other staff member. You deserved it, but your social standing is ruined. Hmm - the enigma
ifknh8usernames 7
meh. -ifknh8usernames
RiNGObutters 5
So she should run away from her dad to go to the dean to be amusing? How would that be, in any way, amusing. Also, since this isn't the 1800's, OP can just ******* text these people to clarify instead of waiting and 'ruin her social standing'.
kristenlovex3 0
lol because it wasn't her dad or anything. this comments just dumb.
himynameiskrista 0
Oh, buzzkilllllll.
dasteve 0
op's dad is the greatest.
Omfgitsmia 15
Lmao your dad is funny.
Iknoweverything 29
When I was in school, my dad would do the same thing, except with candy. It's mortifying, but it'll be worth a laugh when you do it to your own kids!
jefffluffingham 5
you misspelled 'areas active peadophiles' as 'dad'. and the OP will expect either that, or incest hooker jokes, or hooker jokes. as such, we salute your father!
daemonmatrix 8
Oh man I read that and choked on my soda.
Bekll 31
Why do you have to specify that your friends are guys?
SteveTheJanitor 6
Why do you have to ask this question that will never get answered. Who cares why she specified her friends were guys...maybe she didn't want us to get them confused and think they were girls
Fx13mz 7
Seriously, who writes their username as a signature for their comment? Seems a little douchey to me. —Fx13mz
Bekll 31
32, okay so we're basing this all on old gender stereotypes. Gotcha. 34, fail.