Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML
Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML
Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML
Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
Today, I mistakenly texted my father in-law a photo of all my weed and all the joints I'd rolled. He’s also my boss. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML
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Top comments
expectcriticism 13
well maybe next time you'll think twice before jeopardizing something important like that. there are so many ways to calm your nerves rather than smoking weed so you completely deserve this one
LickitungJr 8
... Yeah, you deserved it...
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Comments (148)
jdog408 8
I was first to judge you
LickitungJr 8
... Yeah, you deserved it...
onealmxwilson 18
If only there was some kind of button to express that opinion
thefastnfuryass 14
Your eyes are looking a little glazed..tehehe your honor..
Blink_me26 21
Oh come on #3 people say that every time.
DenBriZel 31
Can't be worse than Bieber's.
GreatGeak 8
i want to know what kind of idiot smokes a joke before going to court. whether he's the one on trial or not.
ChevyRedneck85 13
#85- I'm guessing a pretty big idiot
expectcriticism 13
well maybe next time you'll think twice before jeopardizing something important like that. there are so many ways to calm your nerves rather than smoking weed so you completely deserve this one
\ 28
Your username... your goddamn username.
incoherentrmblr 22
At least he didn't order a pizza and have or delivered to the court room...
lexiieeex3 32
Who in the world goes to a government building on the influence of drugs? God damn I hope you got caught.
CaiDog 20
#131, your living up to your username pretty well.
Verity101 10
as someone who may have, on occasion, calmed nerves with a joint....even I think you're an idiot coz there ARE so many OTHER ways. Christ, I'd even go so far to say you have a drug problem, mate. YDI x
Trooth 13
What did you think was going to happen?
Siererrr 13
Probably that it would calm his nerves, just a toss up. And as for OP, I would recommend taking things of that nature a little more seriously. Besides, nerves can be a good thing when it comes to presentation.
Axipiter 24
5, it doesn't seem there was much thinking involved at all...
kylieh72 25
The OP was thinking they were just going to smoke enough to calm down. There are a lot of people out there that smoke enough to be able to do so without getting blazed. Even if the consequences were pretty severe the OP did express that it was a mistake on his part.
Llama_Face89 34
At least you realize you're a bleeding idiot... I mean I have no issues with lighting up now and then but how could you think it's a good idea to get baked before going somewhere you're gonna be surrounded by law enforcement..?
hashshim 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't think the problem is that he smoked before being in front of the authorities(especially if this is in Colorado or Washington), so much as it is that he decided to get high before having to present something so formal.
iKJH 7
It is a problem, even if it is in a place like Colorado or Washington. I live in Colorado, and the law is that weed is legal only in a private home area. Just like alcohol, one with any sense wouldn't show up somewhere important drunk. And, how do you think he got there? He could have driven while under the influence, which is a huge problem in the US.
XIceBlueX 21
I don't judge people that smoke, but how do you have a job while others are clean and jobless?
Llama_Face89 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Because being a stoner makes you unemployable? I suppose I should tell my uncle he can't be the VP of the Toronto branch of Cap Gemini...
XIceBlueX 21
We'll since it's still illegal in most states and showing up hot for anything in a drug test terminates your chance of employment for some companies, yeah, it's safe to assume you can't be one. Not saying some people can't function, but OP isn't helping with getting people okay with legalization.
ComoEsJuan 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It is perfectly acceptable to smoke marijuana and have a steasy job. To assume, that simply because one is "clean" as you so implied, that they are the one that truly deserves a job is utterly asinine.
Kamon97 23
Hey apparently you can't be the mayor without smoking crack here too
glabberfasted 16
I just think it's bullshit that you have to pass a drug test to get a job, but not to get on welfare.
ironichalibut 24
@48 So your logic is, because someone needs help with a problem that they don't have means to fix themselves, they don't deserve help? It is A vastly different situation, to break a destructive cycle with help from outside, than alone from inside. I don't believe it's as simple as "I need money. 'Okay, here's your cheque, sir'" The system can be improved for sure, but it's my understanding that social programs do a lot more good than some people corrupting the system to support bad habits, could ever do. If you don't like it there's always other countries, with different policies.
Michaelgf 13
So you want them to waste tax payer's money on weed?
glabberfasted 16
71 - I'm assuming you meant to reply to me, despite your incorrect number. My issue with this is that a "drug problem" is a problem brought on by that person themselves. They CHOSE to try drugs. My issue is not with welfare itself. No one chooses to make less money than needed to survive. I bet if all those druggies taking welfare money STOPPED ******* DOING DRUGS, they'd be able to afford more essentials, and even get a job. I've met far too many people using welfare to support their habit of buying drugs and not working. I can't tell you how many people have approached me outside of a gas station and asked if they could use their food stamps to buy my stuff, in exchange for money (guess what for??) If I have to pass a drug test to get a job to give MY money to the welfare system, you best ******* believe I demand that those people be held to the same standards.
albinochipmunks 7
Colorado?
buttcramp 21
I think the main thing is that OP has a job that requires his mind to be clear so he can think quickly. Weed doesn't help that. OP is also surrounded by law enforcement officials in a courthouse so unless it is legal where they are it was a bad move.
gracehi 33
I agree, 49. I have to let someone WATCH me piss into a cup for a drug test so I can EARN my government pay check, and no one bitches about violations of my privacy. I don't think it's too much to ask of people to prove they won't be wasting other people's money on something that will destroy them to get a free hand out.
stardustjunkie 12
I'm sure your uncle is really going to appreciate you publicly posting that, #10.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
that just seemed like a really dumb move op..what the heck were you thinking? if a situation is bad, the LAST thing you want to do is consume/ ingest mind-altering substances.
TunaFireStarter 16
What about prescription medication? Someone could have just as easily taken a little too much of their prescribed Xanax and ended up slurring like a drunken idiot. Yet, a lot if people wouldn't be able to even do this without some kind of anxiety medication. I do agree that it was a poor choice on his part, but not all mind altering substances are bad or should never be taken.
746278Ab 14
Really? Does sound like even a remotely good idea?! I mean comment sense people....
Llama_Face89 34
That would be a good reply to #2
jazzy_123 20
common...
marcranger 29
Actually, 13, some FMLers lack comment sense as well!
Sangue0608 26
What exactly is comment sense?
paigexox0 37
Sense
alicespoons 17
This seems like it was completely your fault. What did you think was going to happen?
wildcats909 9
Hey, at least you weren't giggling during a murder trial. Fraud is far more hysterical. :-p
onlychildFTW 34
Oh yeah fraud is "hysterical." He just stole other peoples money by lying and cheating. No biggy it's "hysterical."
TabooSushi 24
Someone doesn't understand sarcasm...