Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
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Top comments
scrappy23 4
At least you have a germ free dick.
dijafe27 6
I thought you were gonna say you contracted herpes . So LUCKY you ! ^.^
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Comments (118)
charvisioku 22
It gives a whole new meaning to baptism of fire :/
JoeRogansBEARD 15
I don't even know the real meaning of that
jamza 10
Had there been a sex health inspector, at least your deli would be a sanitary work environment
mikeymayhem_87 15
Nothing like waking up with a hangover, freaking out trying to figure out why your genitals are on fire, and then freaking out some more from the realization that the burning sensation was from hand sanitizer... Sounds like the party was tons of fun!!
techchef 6
Am I the only one who flinched in pain just THINKING about this?
gamerkid123 6
Don't worry about stds then
mimiminx 23
Your sex is on fire?
NicoleAshley10 0
That's why you shouldn't have drunken sex.
EMTchic 14
Is everyone just assuming that OP is a guy ??? Cuz on my phone it doesn't say whether OP is a guy or a girl . . .
jlperry31 10
wouldnt you or the other person have notice when it the dick didnt go in the hole as easy. seems like who ever was taking it would have noticed right off.
Babylove9387 3
Thats effin crazy! Lls