Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year-old boy. He decided we would play with Nerf guns with Velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck to his pants, and he wiggled it for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
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Top comments
renjay 0
smack the dam kid
cmac86 24
sounds like there's either some parenting or anger management issues. and now an insect issue, because you, quite literally, have ants in your pants.
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Comments (145)
TheAnnihilat0rz 0
first
aliadnan708 6
so?
DaveOnDope 4
Wow! you're so cool! I'm really impressed!
renjay 0
smack the dam kid
caroliquey 0
you raised a devil
beeship321 5
Smacking isn't the answer! Try snakes in his bed.
andyp010 10
I think one 'snake' in his bed is enough
Sopa2010 0
Basketball or ant farm? anyone else remember that from pursuit of happiness?
jeslynh 0
OMG ANTS D: that's sucks
woopa18 0
haha that's awesome !
JCHammer 5
that's why where I'm from we don't let women drive
Suavis 4
so they don't run over basket balls? and how do you know it's a woman?
krazygirl100 9
because it says woman
Tha_Jocka44 0
I would be the **** out of my kid for that crap
ppriscilla 0
woahh scary
nikkibeez 0
I see nothing wrong with spanking children. if you don't instill some type of fear in them they become disrespectful and won't listen. beating the shit out of them however.. not so sure.
Donkeydick360 0
violent parents lead to violent children and violent children grow up to be serial killers, OP YDI and hooray for long island!
waswashere 0
by your logic, the parents are also serial killers. good try though
akd1v 0
scuze me you would BE the **** outta your kid? please explain
Zhu8 5
If only my parents knew the difference between a light spanking and beating the living shit out of me.
kokopuff1001_fml 0
I'm glad that I'm not your child
grandpaearthling 2
you totally deserve it for not putting the fear if daddy in the little punk. maybe if his mommy didn't wear the pants in the family.
mylyfzeffedup 0
that's what I said. he deserves it for raising his kid to think it's ok to retaliate when something happens that he doesn't like. he's probably bad as hell.
damon199 0
agreed! well said!
HuttonT 3
He is a she.
grandpaearthling 2
damn. can't see that on iPhone. well at least she now has a reason for crawlies in her panties
tanjoodo 3
look at the top left.
tooFLY 0
61--top left: picture of a cute little green family
xXpeachesXx 0
top RIGHT...shows a female
grandpaearthling 2
damn, she only has one leg and no breasts. I think she's handicapped
arsenicalhumor 30
#113 I think your thought process is "handicapped"..
cmac86 24
sounds like there's either some parenting or anger management issues. and now an insect issue, because you, quite literally, have ants in your pants.
xStarKillerx 4
^ win
divali 5
Smart kid!
KrazieKleo 13
That's messed up...teach him to forgive lol.
unfortunate_13 5
or teach him how to behave?
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
...or teach him how to forgive, behave, and clean up after himself?
chelle_starlight 0
could be worse...they aren't fire ants are they?...
unfortunate_13 5
oh parents these days!