Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
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Top comments
SirCuDi 9
Buy a gas mask
Zeronos 0
Call of dooty: Fart Ops.
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Comments (128)
SirCuDi 9
Buy a gas mask
melchibr_fml 0
Or a butt plug.
Jovecove 13
Break the window, cuz that's nasty as hell.
MagicallyFat 12
Grab somebody sexy tell 'em ayyyyy let's do it tonight cause we might not get tomorrow
jake1632 9
Tie her to the ceiling, whereas her buttho is against the vent. Or you cam THROW HER ON THE GROOOUUNNDD :)
awagh666 14
^WTF
CommonSenseKarma 17
A gas mask would be extremely comfortable sleepwear.
Oreohugzpenny 4
Get a hammer and while you are breaking it play hammer time!
kikiwi_fml 9
Get her back and eat fastfood for a week straight. It's on!
greg84_fml 21
Unfortunately, not even fast food or taco will ever be bad enough to combat what she is doing to herself.
Jaxx66 21
Isn't it funny how not eating meat makes you pass noxious fumes.... Yet digesting seared animal flesh is fine? Long live carnivores!
awagh666 14
^^ If i could, i would thumb you up fifty times.....
the_easter_bunny 1
The gas and bloating only lasts about a month or so. It's because your body is changing to a new kind of diet and the enzymes aren't yet used to digesting the new kind of food. The same thing happens when vegetarians start eating meat.
WCARlover 35
This is where you decide to eat chili every day
rooneyroo 0
You mean "when" right? Where implies a location while when implies a time or date.
awagh666 14
Yeah, and then OP will post another FML about a shitty situation
tylersign 11
Busted window? Not a problem! *hands over hammer*
tsim_fml 0
exactly it will already cost money to fix it, might as well smash it
Zeronos 0
Call of dooty: Fart Ops.
WCARlover 35
Call to Duty: Crap Ops
THE_A_TEEN 28
Battlefarts 3 Unfarted 3 Creativity... :)
WCARlover 35
Mario Shart
Insane_Tea 15
Gears of Crap 3
flockz 20
ratchet and stank.
WCARlover 35
Haha ok ok so my crap ops one wasn't much of a winner, but I'm liking this thread I must say
ThatOneCanadian 0
Ass Ass-ins creed?
KiddNYC1O 22
MW3 multiplayer sucks. Irrelevant, I know.
flockz 20
assassin's creed: constipations. just thought i'd add on.
KiddNYC1O 22
Devil May Fart.
KiddNYC1O 22
Mario Shart is in the lead, cake in hand.
WCARlover 35
Why thank you 57 lol
skittihorse 8
Call of Booty
KiddNYC1O 22
GoldenFart 007.
xSonic 9
Kingdom Farts?
efemel94 7
Army of poo
benderbot19 0
Mario Shart makes me laugh every time I read it.
razor417 0
Counter Shite
Poetaster 10
War of the Vampire Zombie fart brigade.
xcowboys 0
Duke Nukem : Forever- you dont even need to change the name.
SirCuDi 9
Star Wars: The Fart Unleashed
j_cat187 20
Mario and Luigi: super-shard saga
coolboy675 16
Meet The Farters
yourlifesfucked 0
The Elder Scrolls V: (toilet) Bowlrim.
Superduck132 3
Team Fartress 2.
tj4234 36
I take it she doesn't know much about vegetarian food then and is eating stuff that's bad for her or just generally gives gas anyway (like brussel sprouts). Give her a vegetarian cook book :D.
LouisianaBob 9
The extra fiber should account for the gas but not the smell. If she replaced tofu for everything in a meat heavy diet she will have gas and bad gas at that since her body isn't equipped to just jump right into digesting so much at a time.
Katastrophe101 8
She shouldn't combine acids and carbohydrates, that can lead to massive digestive problems. For example, no orange juice, lemon juice, grapefruit juice or vinegar at any meal that also includes high starches and sugars. Although rice is the only starch that doesn't cause gas. Perhaps she should have done a little more research.
A100893 30
Sleep in the bathroom? Eat beans for revenge.
Vaginabutter 15
Butt plug is a bad idea as she would probably fart it out with force after enough pressure builds. *ducks for cover*
THE_A_TEEN 28
As an avid psychic, I forsee the comments to be deactivated over the course of stupidity of vegetarianism, and trolls bashing vegetarians.
LouisianaBob 9
Interesting I see a rampant display of fart jokes. Hatred is often displaced for crude humor.
Akai_fml 4
Indeed, vegetarians ruin everything :( I think it's the lack of delicious bacon in their lives.
sheethapins 13
I am also an avid psychic, and I predict many thumbs down in your near future.
darkmis1 18
How are vegetarians stupid? Her body is adjusting to her new diet and will stop producing so much gas soon.
JinxosGirl87 0
Don't worry, a flying trampoline should be bouncing by to open the window for you.