Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML
Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML
Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EmilieAutumn 7
Just make sure you never have sex around him.
haZzbin 0
Could come in handy… if your house were to catch on fire and the alarm somehow didn't sense it
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
goddamniluvme 0
What kinda loser has a parrot... No real friends to talk too?! Haha jk
IMcD23 0
That just made my day!
soulmancam 6
why did you teach him to wail when the fire alarm goes off?
ZZDomoZZ 1
Give it a good old fashioned over the knee spankin! All you need or supplies are an hair dryer, a whip and lots of molasses, and you have yourself tools for a spankin. How you do it is up to yourself brother!
Linnia 12
Ouch. Another good one - a bunch of African Greys imitating the beeping sounds trucks make when backing up. (That was the vetrinary clinic where I work, earlier this morning)
xx000o 27
Just wait, it's only getting started.
smilefaces8 2
If there is a fire you will no befor the fire alarm
RedneckAngel 11
Just be happy yours only wails. My best friend had one that they bought from another family and the damn thing only knew one phrase: NOT ON MY FACE, ASSHOLE! Made dinners with her extremely religious parents very awkward.
FaguIous 22
That is how a villain is created