Today, my idiot husband put a can of cat food in our daughter's lunchbox as a "joke". The school called CPS. Now we have to go to a hearing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML
Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, our daughter brought home a stray dog without permission. When my husband came home we took it to a shelter, who sent us to another shelter half an hour out of our way. Then their ADHD asses both wanted coffee at 6pm. By the time we got home, my dinner, and only my dinner, was ruined. FML
Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML
Today, my dad's conspiracy lunatic of a new wife reported my husband and me to CPS because she found out that we vaccinated our kids. I know I shouldn't worry but one single false allegation is all it takes to ruin lives and lose custody. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
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Top comments
TomeDr 25
Please tell me there was more in her lunchbox besides that can of cat food! Because if he let her go hungry for a joke, he deserves it.
JackWood 21
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Was there nothing else in the lunchbox?
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Comments (6)
TomeDr 25
Please tell me there was more in her lunchbox besides that can of cat food! Because if he let her go hungry for a joke, he deserves it.
JackWood 21
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Was there nothing else in the lunchbox?
RichardPencil 32
Hopefully, CPS has a sense of humor and can appreciate the hilarity of the prank.
tiptoppc 21
They are government, and if you wonder if the government can take a joke, just think of the IRS.
rebelrunner09 10
hilarious! kudos to him!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm with others and really hope there wasn't JUST cat food in that lunchbox. Even if there was, that's still a really stupid joke.
Hangryko 32
Please tell us you divorced that idiot manchild.