Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, and every time I don’t feel like having sex with my boyfriend, he audibly jerks off, and passively aggressively moans to try and guilt trip me into doing it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
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Top comments
Bakarra 22
Only 2 acceptable uses for that phrase: 1. hide and seek 2. sadistic serial killer movie line, unfortunately sex didn't make the cut...
clueless05 12
Tell him it would appeal to you more if he called out "Marco" so then you could call out "polo." That way you are both participating!
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Comments (130)
ladyluck808 0
cool..its nice to try new things, makes it more enjoyable
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter had sex :D
zandalee 20
I just clubbed you over the head with a small child. Feel it?
LLZNH 1
I felt a sense of pride in #38
coconutdaydream 7
Haha he sounds funny, after watching some old TV one day my boyfriend shouted 5...4...3...2...1... THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!! when he came, I couldn't stop laughing
ruabadfishtoo 0
Atleast he's humorous and you get a good laugh about it:)
FirebirdF350 7
How dost thou wrap a bee in this thing called bubble wrap, and now I will shout that phrase next time I have sex.
ruabadfishtoo 0
This FML produces a disturbingly humorous mental picture.
PrettyKookieToo 8
More like majorly turned ON! Actually no, that's really weird.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
*sings* Get ready, cause hear I come!
Iniezian 18
Next time you're having sex, fake a 5-year old voice and sob "why are you hurting me"? Guaranteed to creep out and scare him. Tell him you'll keep at it 'till he stops.
skittlesmeep 4
Love that idea if it bothers her so much xD
LittleGreenPaola 23
How could he stay aroused enough to come, after saying a stupid thing like that?
Enslaved 38
Maybe tell him to try a better song? I always sing, "Stone Temple Pilots--Sex Type Thing" "Here I come, I come, I come" :P
bleachbabe 0
Stop having sex with him, problem solved.