Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, and every time I don’t feel like having sex with my boyfriend, he audibly jerks off, and passively aggressively moans to try and guilt trip me into doing it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
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Top comments
Bakarra 22
Only 2 acceptable uses for that phrase: 1. hide and seek 2. sadistic serial killer movie line, unfortunately sex didn't make the cut...
clueless05 12
Tell him it would appeal to you more if he called out "Marco" so then you could call out "polo." That way you are both participating!
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Comments (130)
soyeah_whatsup 4
He was playing hide & seek with your G spot... but unfortunately he never finds it. Smh.
azpalomino 4
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_TheAtheist_ 10
In the middle of sex look him straight in the eyes with a slightly threatening expression, and say, "No, I'm NOT ready yet. You better keep counting."
KatlynBrooke 27
Somebody's been playing far too much Hide And Seek.. :D
Livestrong14 7
I guess its better than, "I'm going in for the kill!"
Old_Iron_Sides 6
I will never see Hyde in Van Helsing the same way again...
klovemachine 24
Had sex...ah yeah :)
djtiller96 0
Last time I checked guys dot ******
Nozzanoggin 6
errr... the only guys who don't ****** are celibate... what do you think coming is?!
SoUseless 8
Haha. I would just enjoy it. Now sex is like a little game. :)
karmaababyy 5
Have you regretted telling him that yet?