Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, and every time I don’t feel like having sex with my boyfriend, he audibly jerks off, and passively aggressively moans to try and guilt trip me into doing it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
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Top comments
Bakarra 22
Only 2 acceptable uses for that phrase: 1. hide and seek 2. sadistic serial killer movie line, unfortunately sex didn't make the cut...
clueless05 12
Tell him it would appeal to you more if he called out "Marco" so then you could call out "polo." That way you are both participating!
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Comments (130)
Tophatz98 5
Haha, Sounds like a funny guy
hellachillin 8
I take it OP was probably less ready than not for her boyfriend to cum
Dunvanation 4
1, Um no that's actually not funny...
kamikrazy 6
Thought you had to be 18 to be on FML.
Dunvanation 4
20, I think you have to be 17?
eeppiicc 8
Actually 25, you just have to put in a fake birth date.
jillybee101 7
No it's not. It's horrifying.
Dunvanation 4
Well I mean you should at least be mature enough to not make a dumbass comment like 1 did.
dissention 4
You sound like an uptight prick. I laughed and thought his comment made sense, but go on continue menstruating about it.
Dunvanation 4
Oh just kill ur selves already. U dumbass people obviously can't understand that I'm just here to be stupid and troll people duh
Dunvanation 4
Hey everyone dislike this comment!
coughyochick 7
64- you're welcome for the thumbs up (:
pxndiieinsanity 6
64- Ahh, reverse psychology.
frankothetanko 0
I bet you look like a funny guy when you run
sjaytee 6
Thats kind of disturbing.
namyo 13
He also says it to the kids When playing hide and seek
doodfunnyguy 0
shut upp. your mom was disturbing in bed.
AGhost5445 25
34 Did you have a bad day.
CheesecakeTaco 3
34- you shut up!... Orange flavored mother fuc*er....
Dunvanation 4
I have decided to pee.
OriginalimoaN 15
Obviously he says it while playing hide and seek with them, but it's really creepy that sex with his gf reminds him of playing hide and seek with kids...
downtime 13
59, It doesn't say it reminds him of that, it just says he used the line. If he's been saying it a lot it may have just come to him, much like any other comment people think of during sex.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Hide and seek the salami...
OriginalimoaN 15
I'm aware it doesn't say there is any connection between those two acts; I was simply giving my opinion that it's just kinda creepy over here in my phone-FML-land.
SeepingSarcasm 7
Or just maybe playing hide and seek with the kids reminds him of sex with his girlfriend...you know, trying to find something in the bushes.
downtime 13
98, Then allow me to fix your previous comment... "Obviously he says it while playing hide and seek with them, but it would be* really creepy if* sex with his gf reminds him of playing hide and seek with kids..."
melbournearsenal 18
Oh cum on you **** be serious !
Dunvanation 4
Hahaha- NO.
trippythehippy 6
Twat did you say? I **** hear you.. I seem to have an ear infuction. Bare ass me again
perdix 31
#61, you can take penis-cillin for that ;) I learned this in third grade.
theannak 7
...I am so sorry. I can see how this could be awkward. Just come up with an even more awkward thing you could say, and tell him if he doesn't stop, you'll start saying it.
elliotb94 9
How would this help the situation? Op explain to him the situation and tell him how it makes you feel during sex then if he cares about having a physical relationship with you (which I'm sure he does) hopefully he will stop :)
Dunvanation 4
39 you are either a dead purple hippo or a slutty pimp elephant. Don't break the chain
downtime 13
39, The more you react to it the more he will say it. Honestly, just let it go, he will get over it in a week or so and you'll be back to normal.
sunnyt 5
.. Change the game to Tag. Then run away when he's about to 'come'.
ruabadfishtoo 0
Dolan no!
Dunvanation 4
Or tag his penis really hard!
gc327072 31
Or just start singing that 70's song Get ready, cause here I come. Aaaaahhhhh Get ready Get reeeaadddyyyyy lol
noobpwn12321 6
Who does he babysit for?
ydi_4_suking 20
for people
OhDearBetrayal 25
For the little people that is.
Dunvanation 4
For serial killers, transvestites, albino French Africans, demon cars, broccoli collectors, witch impersonators, and meth addicts. I hope I helped clear that up for you :)
deBlobX 12
Because that has LARGELY to do with you and affects your life HUGELY if you don't know
Baconman345 9
Maybe you should get him interested in a different game...
zandalee 20
First stage: Go home tonight, get your bondage gear on, tie him up then stand over him with a black whip. Second stage: Convince him that there are better things to murmur/shout whilst on the throes of passion.
Dunvanation 4
Like solo Russian roulette!
MCRaddict15 15
21, that's the best idea I've heard on here. Everything so far has been thumbed down.
Bakarra 22
Only 2 acceptable uses for that phrase: 1. hide and seek 2. sadistic serial killer movie line, unfortunately sex didn't make the cut...
onlychildFTW 34
Phrases like that shouldn't be used during sex. It's just weird and he should understand and stop doing it if you say you don't like it.
Dr0reos 8
Well OP next time, right as he's about to finish yell "Did i tell you my aunt died in this bed" the look on his face will be the funniest thing you see all day.
clueless05 12
Tell him it would appeal to you more if he called out "Marco" so then you could call out "polo." That way you are both participating!
easyprey 8
"Marco? Polo! Fish out of water." haha best sex conversation ever.
Dunvanation 4
Fish out of the water... I don't want to know what that means...
onlychildFTW 34
Haha you know what it means. ;)
RigPig 3
You spelled cum wrong.
Cappiej 18
No.
Dunvanation 4
This fml is so great lol. Everyone keeps disliking comments and being mean! Let's start a chain of dislikes dislike me and be mean to be!
miyaviichan 27
Okay uh... you're smelly.
ygdrassil 17
I agree that it should be "cum" in order to distinguish it from the actual meaning of "come", the only time it shows up here is in a fixed quote.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
yes yes