Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Call a cab?
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Comments (59)
lmbachman 23
Sounds like it's time for an upgrade honey...
CaysonJon 11
What I don't understand is if it really had been you that threw up why would she would throw you out..?
erinchick1 7
Time to get rid of the crazy alcoholic bitch!
yeti37 16
if you found a prosthetic leg on your way home, there is someone here at FML who is looking for it.
_charliebrown_ 3
Dump her because she was drunk and made a throw up mistake. Right and the reason relationships don't last these days?
SoylentCandycorn 10
Sending your drunk boyfriend/girlfriend on a 3 hour walk home at 4 in the morning? What could possibly go wrong? Damn kids, overreacting about everything...
saffy66 34
Next time OP, convince her she's at your place & tell her she's welcome to leave. If she actually goes outside, wait ten seconds & call her inside: "it's about time you got back here, where have you been?" Tell her she was supposed to come straight back to clean up the puke she left. If she's drunk enough to forget she vomited, she may be drunk enough to fall for this. Hopefully though for both your sakes, this doesn't happen too often.
lilmonster51 4
See now you let her get away with that shit!!! I would have been likeNOOOO!!! HELL NOOOO!!
Steel_BZ 8
Why wouldn't u help her clean the mess or herself?
SoylentCandycorn 10
Someone who throws their bf/gf out at 4 am for a 3 hour walk home deserves to be an ex. You don't put someone you love in danger like that.
israelnotjacob 20
Wow someone that stupid should be dumped on the spot. Although she probably wouldn't even remember.