Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Call a cab?
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Comments (59)
cherryllollo 7
There's no reason to dump her. Maybe she's not much of a drinker, went out with her bf, and just had a good time. May not happen often. If you ask me, OP should've been nice and cleaned it up for her. Then he wouldn't have had to leave!
drewflav 17
Reread the FML please. OP IS the boyfriend. Her behaviour is unacceptable.
PhannyPack09 8
...what?
SoylentCandycorn 10
If she threw him out over vomit and put him at risk of getting assaulted on the way home (because someone walking home drunk at 4 in the morning is TOTALLY NOT AN EASY TARGET AT ALL), then she doesn't deserve to have her puke cleaned up. I bet if it was a drunk douchebag boyfriend throwing out his girlfriend, I doubt anyone would be saying: "You should have cleaned up his puke like a good girlfriend, you deserve to be put at risk for rape/mugging/murder for not being an obedient little housewife."
marramrammar 2
Should have act like you were leaving! She would never know in that state of mind. I know she is still apologizing ;-)
gregkingsley 4
Gotta love stubborn drunks. There had to have been evidence of the punk on her clothes or corners of the mouth. Not to mention u not wanting to kiss that mega death Of mouth breath she was sporting.
PoppaSoda 5
Was the alcoholic supposed to drive you home?
bach2121 13
You could've easily tricked her into thinking you left
Gmeems 3
I would have beat the crap out of her in her own house for being stupid w me hahahhaha
maddygirl820 10
Call a friend for a rode home?
StephenStills 6
She was that drunk and you couldn't stop her from kicking you out..? Hell, you probably could've hidden from her and she would've forgotten all about it!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wow, getting so drunk that you are sick on your own floor and then cannot remember what you did? That must be sexy.
xNephilim 19
So apart from not being able to hold down her liquor, she's also an extreme bitch? FYL, OP.